Because of who I am and how I'm wired, I have a hard time being the sole person responsible for anything... for housework, for chores, for ministry, and for parenting. Thank goodness for my wonderful partner and husband who shoulders so much of the parenting responsibility with me in our family. If I'm completely honest with myself this desire to avoid the sole responsibility of raising our children is a fear of failure... a fear that I will fall short, mess up, and fail my children and that the buck will stop here.
I've looked at parenting like this for so long... it's been a pressure, a burden I've carried around trying to throw off or share with someone else so as not to have to carry it alone. The beauty in being a daughter of the King is that I don't carry this role of Mama alone and for that I will be eternally grateful... and at the same time, God has been opening my heart (slowly but surely) to the absolutely amazing gift I have been given in getting to be the Mama of these three precious boys I call sons. 
After traveling back to the states with Joshua and being away from Nathan and Grant for 2 weeks it was so clear to me that I alone am the Mama. There is no one else in this world who can be that for them... no one else who knows their tickle spots, knows their cries, knows their laughter, knows their favorites, knows how they like their sandwiches cut up, knows how they like their clothes put on, knows how they like to be tucked in at night, and knows the bed time songs to sing them to sleep. If God had revealed this insight to me a few weeks ago I would have been overwhelmed with the pressure, the responsibility of it all... but for some reason this week has found me overwhelmed with the privilege and beauty of it all... how amazing that I, so human and so flawed, get to be such an important part of these little boys' lives?! 
God has been so good to me in blessing me with my Nathan, my Grant, and my Joshua. Being their Mama has changed my life, changed my heart, and changed my soul. As we keep looking towards all the changes that are coming up for our family this year God gently reminded me of how much these three little boys will depend on me. Their little world's are about to change in some big ways... their circles of friends, way of life, church family and community will change so quickly. And while it's going to be so great for them to have family and friends close when we are back stateside, it will take time... time for our stateside family and friends to get to know them again, to reacquaint themselves with all that is the Bull boys :) and during that time of transition I will be a constant for them... I am, and will always be, the Mama. It is a humbling role, and yet one that I am savoring in a new way and embracing with open arms. 
I'm realizing at the same time that to be the foundation that they will need during this time of transition, my feet must be planted firmly on the Rock that is my constant... my foundation... my all.
What a precious post! I needed to hear that this morning…it is overwhelming but what an incredible blessing too. Your boys are so blessed to have you as their mama!
ReplyDeleteA weight ... no doubt. But like another one referenced in the old hymn. His yoke is easy, His burden light. I've found it so ... I've found it so. His blessings ever flow!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dad