Contributions and self worth...

Where exactly does my self-worth come from? My Sunday school answer would be "God"... "Jesus"... "being saved"... but the current situation that I find myself in (laid up in bed with back pain that is keeping me from walking, sitting, and basically doing anything other lying still) has shed some new light on my self-worth...

If I'm truly honest with myself, my self-worth comes from my ability to contribute, my ability to produce, my ability to take care of others and myself. Not the prettiest answer, nor the answer I wish that it was, but never the less... it's the honest answer.

And the past week in bed has taught me just how honest. It kills me to constantly ask for help... in taking care of my kids, in helping me move from one place to the other, in getting something to eat or drink, in running to the store to pick up things for Joshua, in doing laundry, in basically anything and everything that you can think of... and it has rocked me to the core to realize that so much of how I see myself and how I place value on who I am comes from just that, my ability to contribute or to produce. I'm trying (and I strongly emphasize the word trying) to use this time of rest and quiet to hear the voice of my Father, encouraging me to be reminded that my value does not lie in what I can do, but rather in who I am... it's a tough pill to swallow, a hard truth to understand, but I'm trying, and that's a start...