ALL things through HIM

Seeing things...

2011-11-21T02:18:00.002-04:00

I know that people always say the body and the mind are really great at self protecting, allowing themselves only to see and process what they can handle... I believed that theory, based on what others had told me, but now I can say I believe that theory, based on my own experience.

We've been back a little over a year now... and I'm officially seeing things. No, not in a creepy Sixth Sense way, but in a sweet memories flooding back in way... This past week I've walked up to the ticket counter of the Cine Center and bought an entrada... I've ridden the escalator upstairs (or walked the stairs if the escalator was, as it more than not, out of order :) and ordered popcorn, mitad salada, mitad dulce.

I've bought a 6 pack of 2 liter water bottles to keep in the pantry as a back-up for emergencies from my favorite corner store. They've asked me why I don't have the boys with me, and how they're doing. I tell them crazy as ever and together we laugh :)

I've walked across the street and bought eggs from Patricia and stayed for half an hour as we talked about the boys, their schools, and our families far away, her's in Chile, mine in the states.

I've walked El Prado to the Conexion Cristiana and hugged Gabi's neck (our amazing team secretary) and distracted her for far too long as we talked about prayers needed, prayers answered and everything in between.

I've walked the market, smelling the fresh fruits and vegetables... buying kilos of this and that, carrying them home by the bag fulls to wash, clean, cook and enjoy.

I've walked around the corner for a scoop of pistachio ice cream from my favorite heladeria.

I've sat at the counter of a dear friend, over a cup of coffee made with love. We talked of the struggles of living life as missionaries, far from "home". We talk of new things we've found around town, new things going on with our children, new things going on in ministry, and we share a moment between friends who know the blessing of friendship that God places in our lives' for a beautiful season, to teach us and show us His loving kindness!

I've sat in the fellowship of those that I love, looking around me at the faces, those I've known for years now, and knowing there are new ones I pray one day I'll meet. I heard the gospel in a language that once was difficult to follow, but that now my heart misses feeling on my tongue. We sang the songs that at first were so hard and frustrating to me in a different language, but that now I use as lullabies for my babies, letting their lyrics and music transport me to their bedroom in our home on Calle Venezuela. It's been a bittersweet week...

And I know that had this week come a year ago, six months ago, or even six weeks ago I wouldn't have been ready. My heart, my mind, and my God knew that I just wasn't there, not ready to go back, even in my imaginary world. But apparently it's time to continue on this journey of letting go of one "home" to re-enter the old one...

I miss the feel of Cochabamba streets under my feet, the sound of the city, the kisses on the cheek and the way the hours passed with friends with no one rushing around. This week reminded me that it's ok to miss those things... only means that they really happened, really captured my heart, and really still live there for me to draw on when my heart is lonely for Bolivia. Cochabamba, Until I can walk your streets in person, I'll keep walking them in my heart...

Letting Go...

2011-11-10T20:01:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I will put my first born on a bus.

It will be early morning... we will have rushed around trying to make it from Brownwood to Brady... I will be sipping coffee trying to clear the morning fog from my brain... he will be ecstatic with the promise of a field trip with his friends to a pumpkin patch (he's been counting down the days)... I hope that on the outside I will be cool as a cucumber because I know that on the inside I will be freaking out...

In my head I know that the bus driver is licensed, safe and will take good care of my Nathan... that his teacher will be there every step of the way to make sure he is well cared for. I know it all in my head, but my heart keeps having flashbacks... the memories of two years ago, the international phone call, the news of a tragic bus crash, the loss of three precious and beautiful lives', the mourning, the tears, the lives' cut short, and all the knowledge in my head can't keep my heart from free falling into panic...

Buses crash, people die, and hearts are broken... I'm praying with every fiber of my being that the God who saw us through those dark dark days, will watch over my son, the firstborn of my body and my heart, and that he will step off that bus tomorrow afternoon filled with excitement over new experiences, the promise of watching God's creation and the amazing way that He grows things in this world. But most of all that he will step off that bus... safe... and... sound...

Lord, I know that he's your's first, that he's only mine for a short time... watch over him, place your hand of protection on him, bring him home safely, and please Lord, give me your peace and comfort as I wait...

What color are you?

2011-07-11T22:40:00.003-04:00

I remember sitting in the conference in Brazil. It seems like so so so long ago, and yet not even a year has passed. I was missing my boys and Gary who were miles away, but having wonderful fellowship with other missionary women, and trying to get a handle on all the changes that were coming our way with our move back to the states.

I remember hearing someone describe perfectly what I felt as a missionary wife. So many people have asked how we are, how we feel, how we're "settling in"... this is the best way I know to answer that question... Close your eyes and imagine yourself colored blue. I think some people see a little cartoon person, a paper doll cut out type, but for some reason I see a dot person. Kind of a cross between the M&M man and the dot people from the Ranger's games dot races :) don't ask, who knows why my imagination goes the direction it goes, but I digress...

So you're blue, and you board a plane bound for yellow land. You get to yellow land, you feel like you stick out kind of like a sore thumb oh wait, you do... you're blue. But even though you stick out, you grow to love yellow land. Parts of yellow land even rub off on you and you begin to look... yep, you've got it, green. So in yellow land, you don't stick out quite as badly as you used to. Green does at least carry an element of yellow in it.

But then the time comes for you to go back to blue land. It's been awhile, and it's time, it is after all where you're from. But as you're getting off the plane in blue land, you realize there's enough yellow that's rubbed off on you that even in your "home" land you don't look blue anymore. You're still that bright shade of green.

And Green is good. Green carries an element of BOTH blue and yellow within it, but it's still green... it's NOT blue, and it's NOT yellow. And in that moment, you realize you don't fit, anywhere anymore. You might go through resentment, moments of regret that you let the yellow rub off on you, moments where you wonder what life would have been like if you never left blue land... and then in the very next thought, moment, or breath you realize how grateful you are for every shade of yellow that you now proudly carry. You're grateful for the ways it has changed your perspective, your life, your family, your children, your marriage, and changed you for the better, forever... but no matter how you look at it, no matter how hard it was to leave blue land in the first place, or how hard it was to adapt to yellow land, how hard it was to leave yellow land after the roots you put down there, or how hard it was to come "home", or how grateful you are for all that your experience in yellow land has added to your life and heart, the truth remains the same... you're GREEN and you don't seem to fit anywhere...

Where to begin...

2011-03-22T20:15:00.003-04:00

It's been one of those days... one of those, Seriously, can anything else go crazy today? kind of days... one of those I forgot Joshua's diaper bag at home and had to make a full round trip back to the house to get it days... one of those I ran around Wal-Mart like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get groceries for family we have coming into town kind of days... one of those I raised my voice WAY TOO MANY TIMES kind of days... one of those Joshua pooped in the bathtub kind of days... one of those I miss a life that has forward motion kind of days... yep, it's been one of those days... and at the end days like this all I want is a safe place to go... which makes me miss this woman right here... oh alright... I miss them both :)
Let me introduce you to my sweet mom, and her mom, my Grannie...

My mom... well, there just aren't enough words to tell you about this wonderful woman and the sacrificial love she carries in her heart for her family and those she loves. She's living this love out daily in caring for my Grannie who has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and all the myriad of physical ailments that come along with it. The example she is daily in the time, energy and love she pours out on her mother is amazing. And on days like today I miss my mommy (there I said it) and there's no particular reason... I just do.

But it's the integrity she has that makes me miss her (selfishly, there... I said it) because of the time that it takes to care for my Grannie. So today rather than focus on the time I miss out on with my mom... I took the time to remember how much I love my Grannie, and how I miss her too...

Parkinson's is a heart breaking disease. There is no other way to say it. It has robbed me of the woman I used to know and stolen so many of the things I love about her. When stressful days like today happened in college, I had somewhere to run to... my Grannie and Papa's house. I always knew that I could pick up the phone and come running (ok, driving 45 minutes up highway 67 if you want to be literal :) to the house that I knew from my birth. The house that had the garden out back full of fresh tomatoes and green beans, that showed me how disciplined and hard working my grandparents were. The kitchen that gave me so many hours with my Grannie, so many wonderful memories. The way she peeled potatoes, the way she always washed her wooden handled knives by hand to keep them looking beautiful :) the pinch of brown sugar that she added to her green beans, the first time she passed me a grapefruit spoon (I thought she was the coolest :) and the freezer full of peaches and pie crusts just waiting for her granddaughter to request a peach cobbler. We stood upon that floor for hours, bumping hips as we stood side by side cooking, laughing, and making memories. The living room that we sat in to watch grandparent shows like Wheel of Fortune, Iron Chef, and basically any other cooking show my Papa could find to watch :) The bedroom that was always made up and ready for me if I needed to spend the night.

When they sold that house it was so hard for me because every memory I have of them was wrapped up in those walls. And today, as my Grannie is in ICU (recovering well from pulmonary complications from PD) it hit me so hard how much I miss that sweet woman... her laugh... her ways.

When we lived in Bolivia it was hard because we were so far away, so removed... and now it's so hard because we're so close, and it's so real. I will miss her even more when God calls her home, but the missing has already started as the woman that I loved, and still love, is not the same at all...

So Grannie, know that I love you, know that I am so grateful for all that you taught me about the love of cooking and preparing meals for your family and those you love, for the art of a fun craft, for the way that you were faithful to Papa for all the years we were blessed to have him with us, and for the hugs that I usually forced on you :) but that you got used to over time, and eventually came to love (at least I've convinced myself you did :) God bless you sweet woman... and thank you for your biggest blessing in my life, your daughter, my mom :)

Triggers...

2011-03-05T16:17:00.002-04:00

Well, we did it... we placed membership at a precious church just around the corner from our house. After much angst from this completely indecisive woman, the decision has been made and we're grateful for a place to call home, a place to start putting down some roots. Last Sunday as I made my way across the foyer trying to herd three little boys into worship I saw a sign-up table... the words "Ladies Day" were written beautifully across the top of a clipboard on a beautifully decorated table. My heart skipped a beat in anticipation and excitement, a chance to meet new friends, form new relationships and have some wonderfully needed fellowship. There was not a moment of nervousness (largely in part to the fact that our new church family puts me at ease), not a moment of anxiety or doubt over whether I should go... it was done, my name signed on the dotted line and my children counted in the number for childcare. "Ladies Day" was promptly written on the family calendar after our arrival from church and the week was passed looking forward to this morning...

And this morning arrived with boys sleeping late, breakfast eaten, diaper bags packed and everyone making it to the car somehow unscathed (ok, almost unscathed... there was a "raised voice" episode with Nathan for not having his shoes on when it was time to go... not my finest moment of the day!). We drove the 3 minutes, and I do mean three minutes (how awesome is that?) to the church building and unloaded ready for fun and fellowship. I dropped the boys at the nursery where they didn't shed a tear and I headed in. The first stop, the nametag table. But as I signed in, all I could think of was our Ladies tea nametag table in Cochabamba... the nametags that were made with such love and preparation for the special day... I picked out my nametag, tried to keep from crying over sweet memories and scrawled my name across the blank space. I entered the fellowship hall ready, or so I thought...

As I walked in a woman came along side me and asked, Are you looking for someone? Because apparently the "I don't know many people here and am just looking for an empty seat to warm" look is all to recognizable :) I said, No, I'm just new here so I'm looking for an empty seat. To which this sweet soul said, Oh where are you from? And with those simple words, making up a simple quesion, the trigger was pulled...

Re-entry triggers are the worst! You never know when they will strike. You may have the luxury of being alone in the privacy of your own home, or you maybe in the middle of super Wal-Mart surrounded by so many shampoo options that you're brought to tears. Maybe it strikes over a cup of coffee with a dear friend, or maybe when a sweet unsuspecting woman asks you where you're from... and so it was today! Bless her heart, she had no intention of bringing on the waterworks, no idea that with one question she could turn my emotional world upside down.

So I politely excused myself... made a tearful beeline to the back of the church and sought refuge in the safety of what every woman has used at one point or another... the bathroom stall :) But I knew I couldn't hide standing next to a toilet for the whole morning and so I ventured out into the hallway... but the tears would not stop. I found myself sitting in a preschool sized chair, five sizes too small for my mommy booty, bawling my eyes out, wishing I had a bag like Hermione to tuck entire boxes of Kleenex down inside.

It came out of nowhere, that trigger... it caught me off guard. I had been so excited to meet new people, have a morning with the ladies of our new church family... but now that I was there, all I wanted was to be with my church family in Cochabamba. In anticipation of our new life here I had looked forward to attending church activities as a spectator (not as the coordinator which had been my role with our teammates for so long now), and now, the anonymity of it all was more than I could handle. I wanted to look forward, pull myself up by my bootstraps and dive into our new life, but all I could do was look back and mourn the one lost.

Triggers are good because they push me to unleash some of the emotions from the experience of re-entry. They push my buttons just enough, forcing me to process things I would otherwise avoid. But dadgum... if they could just save their moments so that the emotional meltdowns happen in the privacy of my own home, I'd be much abliged!

(Epilogue... just in case you worried that I spent the entire morning crying... I had my meltdown, my I'm going to cry off all my mascara moment with some precious women who, even though they've never lived this journey I'm walking, came alongside me and held me, loved on me, and gave me a safe space to just have a good cry. And then after the tears had stopped, we had a marvelous time together, worshipping, being silly girls, and enjoying each other's company. Thank goodness for the family of God!)

Nathan's talks with God...

2011-02-24T18:43:00.000-04:00

I, as a mama, feel so many days that the hours pass and I haven't done anything to intentionally mold and guide these precious three little boys towards heaven...towards God's truth and will for them.

But days like today feel like God comes alongside me and says, See, they are getting something... they are absorbing the faith they see lived out in their home. And my heart sighed.

It was a normal morning like any other in the Bull household. The boys had actually slept until almost 8 (which was a blessing in and of itself)... breakfast had been eaten without any battles and Grant and Nathan had decided it was time to draw after watching some of their favorite cartoons. Nathan is really turning into such a great little artist and I love seeing what he has to draw from his sweet mind these days. Today it was a portrait of our house. He pointed out to me our house, our family, the sky, the clouds and everything else his little eyes see... I ooed and ahhhd at all the right moments just like a good mama should.

Then he turned to me and said something that absolutely melted my heart. Mama, I'm going to go and show God. I wasn't really sure what showing God was going to look like. Gary and I exchanged looks from across the room as if to say... this should be good :)

And then he proceeded to run out into the backyard (half clothed... don't even ask :) and held his masterpiece up to the sky. His sweet little 5 year old fingers pointed to every detail as he looked up to heaven and told God all about his picture (screaming, just to make sure that God could hear him all the way up there... apparently we're going to have to work on the idea that God is with us everywhere, at a level that can be heard even at a whisper :)

In that moment as we watched our son share with his heavenly Father I thought to myself... thank goodness God is doing a work in these boys that surpasses my failings and shortcomings... that even in my busy days where I miss those moments to share my faith with them... God is moving in their little hearts, and allowing them to see something in their environment that is pointing them back to Him... I will be eternally grateful!

Let the re-entry begin...

2010-12-27T21:06:00.004-04:00

I've realized more and more with every passing day that I have no idea what's going on inside of me... and since this place here, my little corner of the online world, usually involves me putting words to my thoughts, penning feelings and processing... I've been avoiding it... because this place that usually brings me such comfort is actually a scary place for me right now... so it's been put aside while I avoid all the confusion in my head and my heart...

The reality is that our family is so blessed!

The last month was supposed to be a month of settling in...
a month for us to get our feet underneath us,
for Gary to get ready and prepared for grad school,
for us visit our families,
for us to visit our supporters and churches,
and enjoy being back in the good 'ol US of A.

But instead it has been a time of survival. I can't lie and say that I'm not disappointed and frustrated that things didn't play out the way that we planned... but those thoughts form in my mind I know and am reminded how blessed we are.

Blessed that the need for surgery waited until we were stateside,
that it was just shy of my insurance policy expiring,
that it was able to be done by a neurosurgeon I know and trust.

I realize how incredibly blessed I am to have a family who can care for Joshua for a month, a husband who has taken care of my other two monkeys by himself at our new house and while I was able to recover knowing that my munchkins were all cared for. I'm struggling between mourning what was lost, mourning what didn't turn out like I would have liked, and realizing (through much much much self reminder) that things turned exactly like they should have, and in the best way possible... We have been blessed with furniture, funds to start over and so much more by friends and family and from people we've never even met... talk about blessed! We've been covered in prayer through the entire process and know that it's been by the grace of God that we've survived...

And we have survived, but surgery delayed the processing... the processing of re-entry, the feelings, the thoughts, the yuckies. There's so much that you have to put aside for the sake of survival... but now that the fog of surviving surgery has lifted a little, the wheels are starting to turn again...

We're not in Cochabamba anymore, and there's no flight booked to carry us back there to our apartment, to the boys' school, to our friends, to our teammates, to our church, and to our life.

Our life is here now.

I'm in a tug of war (TOW) with my heart to be at peace with that.

This new life is in a place...

where Wal-Mart runs are part of a weekly routine. (TOW... I'm so grateful that I have daily access to Children's Tylenol, Chili powder, new socks and milk in gallon jugs... but I miss knowing the people who check me out, looking people in the eye as we walk past each other and greeting whether we know each other or not).

where Sonic will still be just down the street (TOW... seriously? Sonic... right down the street? I'm happy as a clam for happy hour everyday... but the brain freeze I'm getting after coming from a no ice culture is causing me to lose brain cells with every swig of Cherry Limeade I take :)

where my parents will still be just a local cell phone call away (TOW... there's really not a tug of war here... I've been waiting for five years to have my parents just down the road from me, Gary and their grandkids... the only struggle is learning how to live alongside each other again :) thank goodness they're being very gracious with me as I figure it out!)

where there are a billion churches within a 5 mile radius of our house (TOW... Gary and I have never church shopped... we went from attending an inner city ministry church, to ministering there, to attending our supporting congregation, to attending the church we were working to plant... it's really hard to walk in the doors of a church as non-staff members... it's nice to leave the responsibility and pressure behind... but the automatic being "known" is going to be a hard thing to walk away from)

where it's seriously cold (TOW... I've complained for five years now that it's just not Christmasy feeling in Cochabamba because it's not cold enough... but now it's so cold and I'd kill to turn my kids lose outside to play in their flip flops!)

where we live in a "Christian" country (TOW... I'm so grateful to be back in a nation that was founded on faith and liberty, that for the most part is not corrupt (and if you have anything to say here, let's talk Bolivian history level corruption ok?!)... but why are we not living our faith outloud everyday? People in Bolivia knew why we were there. They knew what we stood for. They knew what our mission was. And I'm praying that we don't lose that overt way of living our faith being back here in the states).

That's all I've got for now :) it's a confusing, muddled place to be this mind of mine... thanks for reading (for the 2 of you who made it this far... and yes, I included my husband in that count :) This re-entry thing is an experience all its own. There is absolutely nothing like it in this world. I wouldn't trade it because that means that I would lose the life I've had, the experiences that have changed me, shaped me, and forever made me who I am today... I'm just praying I can figure out a way to live in peace with myself no matter what country my feet find themselves in... that's the goal...

Contributions and self worth...

2010-11-24T13:01:00.002-04:00

Where exactly does my self-worth come from? My Sunday school answer would be "God"... "Jesus"... "being saved"... but the current situation that I find myself in (laid up in bed with back pain that is keeping me from walking, sitting, and basically doing anything other lying still) has shed some new light on my self-worth...

If I'm truly honest with myself, my self-worth comes from my ability to contribute, my ability to produce, my ability to take care of others and myself. Not the prettiest answer, nor the answer I wish that it was, but never the less... it's the honest answer.

And the past week in bed has taught me just how honest. It kills me to constantly ask for help... in taking care of my kids, in helping me move from one place to the other, in getting something to eat or drink, in running to the store to pick up things for Joshua, in doing laundry, in basically anything and everything that you can think of... and it has rocked me to the core to realize that so much of how I see myself and how I place value on who I am comes from just that, my ability to contribute or to produce. I'm trying (and I strongly emphasize the word trying) to use this time of rest and quiet to hear the voice of my Father, encouraging me to be reminded that my value does not lie in what I can do, but rather in who I am... it's a tough pill to swallow, a hard truth to understand, but I'm trying, and that's a start...

Where does the time go...

2010-09-12T21:32:00.004-04:00

It seems like just yesterday I was boarding a plane with a little squirt of a baby strapped to me... he was just four months old... we had no idea who he would become, how he would be in constant motion, how he would truly love people, how he would thrive on affirmation of those he loves, how he would love music, singing, and dancing, how he would be a great big brother to two little Bulls to come... he changed our world on September 13, 2005 and continues to change us day in and day out as we learn how to love him, parent him and guide him in this journey he's on to becoming a man of God...

Nathan, this past year has been filled with more of your voice than I ever thought I would hear :) you have developed a need to always be around your Daddy or I, to be sharing something with us, showing us your newest novelty in life, and simply being in constant conversation with us. While at moments I long for a little peace and quiet :) I know that the day will come when I will long for you to share with me, talk with me, and open up in the way that you are doing now... so I'm cherishing these moments... the moments like tonight where you climbed up on the chair in the kitchen to help me cook, wanting to be by my side, wanting to know that you have a place with me always... tonight you put your arms around my neck and whispered in my ear... I'll miss you Mommy... I'm not sure if it came out of you hearing us say that to others during this time of transition, if you think you're going to stay here while we move back home :) or what... but it made me think deeply about the days when you are grown and out on your own, oh how I will miss you my sweet firstborn!... you are so like me in so many ways and I'm so thankful for all that you teach me about love, about my faith, and about who I am... you are a treasure to your daddy and I and we will love you always! I love you more than my next breath my sweet grown up five year old :)

Church Retreat 2010

2010-09-11T16:17:00.005-04:00

Every year we take time out as a church family to get away... it's a day filled with teaching, worship, fellowship, and FUN :) This year was no exception... a little bittersweet as it was our last, but fun none the less... here are a few pictures of the festivities...

It's like ripping off a band-aid...

2010-07-27T20:16:00.002-04:00

I was four going on five... then eleven going on twelve... then sixteen going on seventeen... then eighteen and starting college... then a newlywed of 22... then 25, a young career gal... and then a first time mommy being called to the mission field. They were all years of transition, years of moving from one place to another, years of saying good-bye to homes, friends, church families, favorite places and a life made... and here it is upon me again.

Most of the moves in my life have been because work took our family from one place to another, college and new chapters of life were starting, or God was calling to us different ministries abroad... either way, the moves all seemed (remember this is the hind-sight of a sleep deprived mommy of toddlers remembering moves now many years in the past :) fairly fast... like ripping off a band-aid. You grab a hold of one end... take a deep breath, hold it for a second and RIP... it hurts and it stings, but in the end, it's quick (definitely not painless, but quick).

I always thought that was the best way to handle moving from one place to the next... keep ties as loose as possible... making the heartache as minimal as possible. But I'm learning through the process of this move that's looming in the not so distant future, that the heartache remains and resurfaces no matter how far you sweep it under the rug.

When Gary and I shared our departure date with the church here in Cochabamba many people thought we were sharing that information way too early. It was January and we would be here until the first week in November... that was almost 10 months of good-byes. This past Sunday as I sat and cried through worship service, grieving all the things that we will be leaving behind, I realized that 10 months is just what we needed. Okay, I'll speak for myself, just what I needed.

I needed to know that the events of this year are the "lasts" for our family in Cochabamba... and I needed to process that through that with our church family and my dear friends here. Does it mean that it won't still hurt, still sting when we board that plane in November? Heavens no... but what I'm hoping and praying, is that it means I'll be a little more emotionally ready for that departure. That I will have spent time in thought and prayer coming to terms with the changes that are on the horizon for our family... as opposed to avoiding them (which is my usual M.O.)

I'm praying that this year of transition will afford me the opportunities to make sure I've said all that I need to say to those that I've grown to love and care for here, that I won't walk away feeling as if there wasn't true closure... because the truth is that for all its craziness, this place has become our home. It still annoys the peewaddle out of us at times, and the culture is still something that proves to us daily that we are foreigners here, not in our home culture... but for better or worse we became a family here. Two of my sons are Cochabambinos, and a part of my "family" will always be here in this country I've grown to appreciate and cherish for what it has given us and taught us.

The good-byes are so hard, they leave my heart aching, but with the time that we've allowed ourselves, I'm processing through it much better than I ever have. I'm leaving one home for another, each place has its beauties and its uglies, and I, Laurita, will be a better woman for having lived in, loved in, and given a part of myself to both places!

Making a game of everything :)

2010-07-17T15:08:00.004-04:00

One thing you learn about living in a third world country is that internet speed is never what you hope it will be... and many times isn't even what you're paying for, but that's another story :) Because today I want to tell you how much I love that my Grant Thomas in all his two year old wonder and fun is everywhere in the worldness makes a game even out of slow internet... the thorn in his mommy's flesh.

Every time that Grant is watching something online, be it on PBS kids, YouTube or Facebook the dreaded spinning wheel comes up telling him that his fun filled watching experience is about to be interrupted. And not by anything worthwhile like emergency weather reports, or words from world leaders, no... just because the internet is being persnickety. But my sweet son in all his playfulness takes it all in stride (very unlike his mother) and has made it a game... every time the spinning wheel makes its appearance Grant throws his hands in the air, chunky toddler fingers spread wide and yells at the computer... FREEZE. Yep, he's playing the freeze game :) From what I can gather it's much like red light, green light, but to watch it being played between my son and my laptop... seriously one of the funniest things I've seen this side of the equator in a long time :)

Just another day...

2010-06-30T18:00:00.004-04:00

The sun rose this morning like always... the micros began their routes, breadmakers kneaded the dough that would later become scrumptious edible creations, the pidgeons took their post on the power line outside our door waiting for our neighbor to bring their breakfast, the boys went to school and the world began another Wednesday... but for our family, for our church, and for our team, it was anything but just another Wednesday. Because this day one year ago... our world rocked, it turned upside down, and it would never be the same again.

It was hot in Arkansas last year... Joshua had yet to enter this world... and our furlough was winding to a close. We were headed out the door for a good-bye dinner with Gary's family before traveling back to Texas and the phone rang... an accident... the youth group... no details... but possible deaths and many injured... There are no words to describe what the feeling is that inhibits your body as you hear news like that from afar. The helplessness... the fear... the anxiety... and the gutwrenching sorrow is overwhelming. Details trickled in, our kids... our teens... hurt, in surgery, in casts, in intensive care, lost.

It's been a year now and we stood today at the graves of Ariana, Diana, and Belen. My heart ached with sorrow, and yet also with pride, as I watched a group of teens who have weathered this storm together stand, arms linked, heads bowed, praying to the God that saved them, while standing over graves of those they loved. I walked the streets today watching people go about their "normal" lives... they don't realize that there are three beautiful young ladies they will never know, never cross paths with, never encounter... it literally makes my insides hurt. I want to stand on the corner and shout... I'm not sure what I'd say, but something, anything to make the world stop, if even just for a second... to remember that there has been loss, there have been lives' changed forever, there have been bodies broken and healed, and there have been hearts forever changed and brought closer together, and closer to their Maker...

Camila cried her heart out today at the grave of her dear friend Belen, crying... "Why?" Through her confusion and her tears I prayed... I prayed over her hurt, prayed thanksgiving for the life that she still lives, and prayed that she realize that her God is big enough to handle her hurt... big enough, and strong enough to carry her confusion, her anger, and her broken heart. It's a tall order for a teenage girl of 15, but I know that God is faithful... and I'm clinging to that. And as I rocked Joshua to sleep tonight, holding him a little longer and a little tighter, kissing his little cheeks one extra time, the song that played over and over in my head went...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases...

His mercies never come to an end...

They are new every morning...

Great is thy Faithfulness...

The Lord is my portion says my soul...

Therefore I will hope in Him!

Thankful...

2010-06-12T22:37:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

the knowledge that I can survive three weeks with three little boys.

Sonia and Jenny that helped me survive those three weeks.

dear friends who encouraged me, prayed for me, visited me, called me, and busted me out when needed.

children's ibuprofen (now Nathan has a fever)

the experience of knowing myself well enough to know that I needed to be intentionally thankful every night before bed, before starting a new day.

leftovers.

Grant's spaghetti face :)

Joshua's sweet little hands reaching up for me when I walk by.

the fact that the power was only out for half an hour.

that the boys didn't cry for too long in the dark before I got candles lit and flashlights located.

church members who offer to go pick my husband up from the airport.

no-bakes and coffee... which kept me sane more than once today.

Tonight I'm most thankful for my dear sweet husband who is on his way home to us... his family! Oh how we have missed him... but we are so proud of him, his service to our God, his discipline in his studies and his planning for our stateside life, and his devotion to us, his wife and his sons. We love you Gary Bull and are so so so so thankful for you, the man you are, the love that you give to us, and all that you are to our family :)

Thankful... ok, who's keeping track anymore? :)

2010-06-11T19:59:00.003-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

chiropractors.

skype!

Nathan's belly laughs with his Papa over "See you later alligator"... "After awhile crocodile" :)

Joshua's sleepy sounds already being heard over the monitor.

the new Dora video that's occupying my two oldest.

spaghetti sauce in a jar (yes again!)

fresh bread daily!

no-bakes!

hand-me cords from Denise.

bills paid for the month!

clean bathrooms (that I didn't have to clean!)

the full night's sleep that's going to happen tonight (I'm trying to think positive!)

Thankful... make-up days :)

2010-06-10T09:54:00.002-04:00

Well these past couple of days have been spent surviving... I've decided that back pain is the arch nemesis of mommies with little ones... so the time at the computer has been sporadic and little. But I've got a second, that seems to be pain free, so I'm going to try and catch up a little :)

I'm thankful for...

grace when the thankfulness doesn't freely flow.

time with Angie over coffee, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time.

beautiful roses to brighten my day!

Grant's tender heart that comforts us (Nathan, Joshua, and I) when we're upset... sweet boy that one!

my spank spoon (again!)

corner stores that keep me from having to go to the grocery store for every little thing I forget.

little baby teeth :)

little boys learning to do head stands

the fact that the celebratory fireworks over the soccer game last night (that could have woken up my kiddos) only lasted until midnight... hey, I'm trying really hard to look at my cup half full here :)

new books to read.

ice packs... which speaking of... I should go sit on one for awhile :)

Thankful... day 14

2010-06-06T20:16:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful...

for Dr. Firestone and his willing to come in and see me on a Sunday morning!

that even though I'm not 100%, I'm feeling better.

that my boys are feeling better and want to go to school tomorrow.

so thankful for Jenny who was willing to come to work on a Sunday to take care of me and the boys!

that Renata was at church!

that this time next week, the daddy will be HOME!

Thankful... day 13

2010-06-05T19:48:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

wonderful friends who take me to suspenseful movies, even knowing the risk they take of being embarassed by my screams :)

househelp that are willing to come in on a Sunday to help out a hurt mama and her sicky boys.

teammates who make long shot phone calls to get doctor's cell phone numbers :)

the fact that in Bolivia you can call a doctor as a total stranger and he's still willing to come in on a Sunday to see you!

Cozzolisi's (the fact that there's a place in town I can order pizza from when we're not up to cooking!)

Children's tylenol and ibuprofen.

tomorrow which marks 2/3 of the way there!

Thankful... day 12

2010-06-04T19:28:00.003-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

taxis when we're too lazy to walk to school.

a lunch/movie date with Angie tomorrow!

fried chicken that's good for the soul no matter what country you're in :)

new tab tops on the juice boxes here in Bolivia (before you had to cut the corner and just pour... it's a little thing, but a big thing for this mommy!)

naps with Grant.

Boston Legal that literally made me laugh out loud today :)

Joshua's once a week bath :)

a husband that knows our needs as a family through this transition and is doing all he can to meet them!

a God who is ever-present, and ever-willing to be in constant conversation with me :)

Thankful... day 11

2010-06-03T20:34:00.004-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful...

that Gary did GREAT on his GMAT!!!

that I decided to turn off the laptop all day long... makes for being present for my boys much easier!

that Joshua and Grant both had great naps today.

that I have great teammates to call & make sure we survived the day :)

for Chizito kisses.

that the boys have school tomorrow!

for the opportunity to share with others!

for infant Tylenol for teething babies!

the possibility of a nap tomorrow!

that we are on the downhill slope of daddy's three weeks away!

Thankful... day 10

2010-06-02T21:18:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful...

that we've almost hit the halfway mark!

that I can usually tickle Grant out of any screaming tantrum he's throwing :)

for canned tuna.

the promise of Brazil.

for the quiet mornings while boys are in school.

that I finished my study in time to lead Bible study tonight (even though no one showed)

for the visit time I got with Katie and Liz when no one showed ;)

that I got to chat with Jen.

that the day is over!

Thankful... day 9

2010-06-01T21:01:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful...

that the boys had another great day at school.

that I didn't kill one of my children today despite the fact that Grant and Joshua didn't nap and lost it (totally lost it) at the same time, crying at me for an hour b/c I couldn't hold them on my lap at the same time...

for red painted toe nails, trimmed cuticles and tweezed eyebrows.

for finishing the week 5 study of our Beth Moore bible study (especially since I'm facilitating the study tomorrow night)

for Nathan's little fingers interwined with mine as I went back in after putting Joshua to bed (for the second time) to say I was sorry for being so grumpy today.

for forgiveness from my children.

this day is over.

Thankful... day 8

2010-05-31T20:01:00.002-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

our permanent visas (after taking some newbies to start their one-year visa process I was reminded just how thankful I am that we're through with the process)

spaghetti sauce out of a jar.

a great day at their new school for the boys!

naked booties running down the hall for bathtime :)

Grant deciding that rather than talking today he'd just growl all day long :)

the threat of the spank spoon, that apparently was scary enough yesterday that we didn't actually have to use it today!

strawberry peach frozens (like a frozen fresh fruit smoothie)

the promise of an hour to myself tomorrow for a manicure/pedicure!

Thankful... day 7

2010-05-30T21:41:00.003-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

the fact that I got myself, Nathan, Grant and Joshua, bathed, dressed, fed and to church before singing began (and without househelp thank you very much)!

Bolivian sisters at church who took care of Joshua all through service so I could tend to the older two hooligans.

hearing Nathan and Grant giggling with each other as I headed up the hall after putting Joshua to sleep.

the spank spoon.

long hugs and talks after the spank spoon.

a fresh pitcher of Kool-aid.

Joshua enjoying sitting in his Bumbo and playing (b/c at least one kid's going to get their money's worth out of it).

a nap (yeah you read that right!)

nickjr.com that allowed me to have said nap (while Nathan played and his brothers napped).

the end of my first day without househelp since Gary left.

the boys first day of school tomorrow!

Thankful... day 6

2010-05-29T20:07:00.002-04:00

Well today was a rough day... said good-bye (for now) to a dear dear friend... she and her family are headed stateside for a year-long furlough which means we won't see each other again this side of the equator. God was so amazing to bless me with her friendship... just makes it really hard to say good-bye... so amidst all the emotional rollercoasterness that's going on inside right now, the thankfulness is harder to come by today... but I'm determined, so here I go:

Tonight I'm thankful for...

donut holes this morning with Kaitlynn in between her sweet hugs and big smiles.

Rosaria, the new teenage girl who helps me with my groceries on Saturday... scouting out the best prices and making vendors do me right :)

the left over Mother's Day flowers that Jenny so sweetly (and beautifully) arranged in a marshmallow creme jar that took me by surprise at just the right moment and made me smile!

Mercy's sweet chubby arms wrapped around my neck... and her farewell waves with Patience from their balcony until Nathan and I were out of sight.

Denise.

A baby who's asleep.

the night-time cup of coffee that's kicking in to get me through the boys' bedtime routine.

(and my most thankful moment of all day... after I had completely lost it and yelled at my kiddos)... Grant coming into the kitchen when I called him, me down on my knees to ask for forgiveness for yelling, and him coming up, wrapping his loving arms around his mommy and patting me on the back softly over and over again while I cried... and not the sweet soft cries, the ugly I'm glad I didn't scare my kid cries...

It's been quite a day huh?

Thankful... day 5

2010-05-28T20:13:00.003-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

an amazingly productive morning (even with Nathan in tow :)

Nathan playing well and enjoying his visit to his new preschool.

Sonia's safety after her purse was stolen last night on the street.

the red marker that marks off another day down until Gary comes home :)

Bolivian sisters taking the initiative to set up a prayer meeting at the same time that the stateside conference was starting to ask for blessings over everyone's efforts and time together.

Nathan's sweet desire to pray with everyone during that prayer time.

the promise of a last breakfast with dear friends, American style donuts, and getting to meet sweet Kaitlynn for the first time :)

new pirated movies to keep me and the boys entertained... hey, don't judge... and speaking of new movies :)

Thankful... day 4

2010-05-27T22:32:00.003-04:00

Tonight I'm thankful for...

the roast that turned out great for lunch :)

dear friends stopping by with flowers to wish me a Happy Mother's Day!

the fact that today I didn't drink the whole pot of coffee by myself :)

getting to talk to my hubby.

internet that allows me to still feel connected to the outside world, no matter how many hours a day I spend with three little boys in this apartment.

the fact that I didn't do one load of laundry today!

sweet little boy arms that encircle my mommy neck while they whisper in my ear... you're my mommy... I love you!

Thankful... day 3

2010-05-26T21:44:00.002-04:00

Roast cooking in the crock-pot for Mother's Day lunch tomorrow!

Grant finally realizing he's a big brother and really starting to interact with Joshua.

Watching Grant's big bear paws pat his little brother on the head (shockingly gently I might add :)

The fact that no one killed each other even though by 9 o'clock this morning we had been in 5 time-outs and had 2 spankings.

Nathan coming in and telling me that "Grant hurt his head because he was running around CRAZY like a Jo-Jo"

Joshua's sweet smile coming back after the sickies.

A good long nap.

Fresh avocados.

Nathan excited about going shopping with me tomorrow... and on that note, sleep would be a good thing for said shopping outing :) night night!

Thankful...

2010-05-25T22:44:00.004-04:00

In the spirit of keeping my attitude positive while I'm holding down the fort, I thought I'd take a sec every night to write down a few things from the day that I'm thankful for (as opposed to dwelling on the craziness that is my life for the next three weeks :)

Nathan dancing his little booty out to Mama Mia :)

Grant's belly laugh whenever we play!

Jenny who takes such great care of my boys so that I can get things down outside the house and catch a quick nap too!

Joshua's feeling better... seems like his little nose is drying up so that means he's sleeping better.

Renan (a brother from church who has a taxi) who picks up Nathan everyday from school so that I know someone that I trust is bringing him home safe and sound.

Chocolate leftovers from last night's movie night.

A new disc of Lie to Me to keep me distracted after the boys go to bed.

New flip tops on the boys juice boxes... you'd understand this if you had been cutting open the corner of juice boxes for the last five years to have them gush all over you, or the counter, or the floor!

That one of my dear friends gets to take home her new daughter tomorrow :)

The gumption to get in bed before midnight... here I go :)

Ugly moments...

2010-05-25T19:37:00.002-04:00

As I'm sure many of you know, stress levels are a little high here in the Bull house.

We're saying good-byes or having "lasts" on a daily basis... We're making decisions about stateside life and how our transition is going to play out (or we're not making decisions b/c we're still too far out which is even more stressful)... We're selling our things here in our home, which even though they're just things is still emotional... We're weighed down by alot and it's beginning to wear on us... ok, I'll speak for myself, it's beginning to really wear on me.

The other night Gary and I were having a "discussion" in the kitchen. I don't even remember what it was about (which means it must have been so important right?). I don't remember raising my voice. I don't remember feeling like we were having a fight. But what I do remember, and what will forever be enblazened in my mind is the look that Nathan had on his face when I turned around and realized he was in the room... he looked up at me with such sad little eyes and said, "Mommy, you talked ugly to Daddy." And as much as I wanted to deny it, to correct him and tell him that he simply misunderstood, he was right. It absolutely broke my heart to see the disappointment in my son's eyes. It brings tears to my eyes even now.

It was a humbling, heart breaking moment. One that I'm most certainly not proud of and one that I hope to never repeat, but I'm trying to see the good that can come from it... in that moment I was reminded of how deeply I affect my children and our home by the words I use, my tone of voice, and the way in which I handle conflict. I want to be a family that handles conflict openly and in a healthy way. I want my children to be able to identify and communicate well their feelings and thoughts. I want them to be able to dialogue through conflict or discussions in a respectful manner... none of which I did that night in the kitchen.

My son reminded me well that night that respect for my husband, for my children, for other's in my life, and ultimately for my God is something I struggle with greatly when I'm stressed... no excuses, just where I'm at. It makes me think of carving a pumpkin or cutting up a papaya... you know the gooey yucky that resides inside those fruits? I long for God to come and cut out, scrape out, clean out all the yuckies... Once they're cleaned out they are so yummy, but without the cleaning, the preparation, they're just ooey gooey mess. Life is always going to bring its stresses no matter where we live... even though it feels really intense right now... I'm praying that learning how to handle the stresses of this year in a Godly, respectful and honoring way will allow me to carry those lessons into the future of our family... so that I never see the disappointment in my sweet son's face again.

Mama...

2010-05-20T03:04:00.004-04:00

Grant is sick... runny nose, cough, fever, ear infection kinda sick. It brings out the worst in him... the whinies, the complaining, the "I can't get comfy-ness", the I don't want to eat anything, and the I don't want to let you out of my sight-ness. It's hard having little ones who are sick. It's taxing, wearing, and draining. But tonight as I tucked in my two oldest and Grant cried (as is his M.O. these days), patting his pillow beside him and saying "night, night" Gary and I realized that it mattered very much to him who laid beside him for the falling asleep cuddling that was about to take place. The daddy tried. He took up the position on the indicated patted pillow, he tried the cuddling, but the tears continued to flow... nope, it was the Mama, and only the Mama, that my sweet little chunky monkey wanted. The whining and the crying of the day became a little less draining as I realized that I, the Mama, in this moment held the superpower to heal my little boy... not his body (I'll leave that to the antibiotics), but his sweet little aching heart :) Lord, thank you with all my heart for placing within me the mama-ness that I need to be there for these precious boys... may you always remind me that I am valued by them in ways that I will never see or understand... and what a tremendous privilege and honor that is!

The weight of responsibility...

2010-05-13T23:59:00.006-04:00

Being a mom has turned my world upside down in so many ways. I'm not a leader, I'm not a go-getter, I'm not a type-A or need to be in the spotlight kinda gal... I'm happy to be the one in the kitchen washing dishes, spending time talking with the guest who's been sitting by themselves in the corner, and doing the little things that others around me may never see or realize that I've done.
Because of who I am and how I'm wired, I have a hard time being the sole person responsible for anything... for housework, for chores, for ministry, and for parenting. Thank goodness for my wonderful partner and husband who shoulders so much of the parenting responsibility with me in our family. If I'm completely honest with myself this desire to avoid the sole responsibility of raising our children is a fear of failure... a fear that I will fall short, mess up, and fail my children and that the buck will stop here.

I've looked at parenting like this for so long... it's been a pressure, a burden I've carried around trying to throw off or share with someone else so as not to have to carry it alone. The beauty in being a daughter of the King is that I don't carry this role of Mama alone and for that I will be eternally grateful... and at the same time, God has been opening my heart (slowly but surely) to the absolutely amazing gift I have been given in getting to be the Mama of these three precious boys I call sons.

After traveling back to the states with Joshua and being away from Nathan and Grant for 2 weeks it was so clear to me that I alone am the Mama. There is no one else in this world who can be that for them... no one else who knows their tickle spots, knows their cries, knows their laughter, knows their favorites, knows how they like their sandwiches cut up, knows how they like their clothes put on, knows how they like to be tucked in at night, and knows the bed time songs to sing them to sleep. If God had revealed this insight to me a few weeks ago I would have been overwhelmed with the pressure, the responsibility of it all... but for some reason this week has found me overwhelmed with the privilege and beauty of it all... how amazing that I, so human and so flawed, get to be such an important part of these little boys' lives?!

God has been so good to me in blessing me with my Nathan, my Grant, and my Joshua. Being their Mama has changed my life, changed my heart, and changed my soul. As we keep looking towards all the changes that are coming up for our family this year God gently reminded me of how much these three little boys will depend on me. Their little world's are about to change in some big ways... their circles of friends, way of life, church family and community will change so quickly. And while it's going to be so great for them to have family and friends close when we are back stateside, it will take time... time for our stateside family and friends to get to know them again, to reacquaint themselves with all that is the Bull boys :) and during that time of transition I will be a constant for them... I am, and will always be, the Mama. It is a humbling role, and yet one that I am savoring in a new way and embracing with open arms.

I'm realizing at the same time that to be the foundation that they will need during this time of transition, my feet must be planted firmly on the Rock that is my constant... my foundation... my all.

While Nathan's away...

2010-05-06T11:08:00.003-04:00

Grant and I decided that a great way to spend the morning was making fudge and then licking the pot, spoon, and anything else we could find with chocolate on it... here's hoping he'll still take a nap today with all that chocolate in his system :)

Home...

2010-05-05T03:12:00.002-04:00

In almost 10 years of marriage Gary and I have had our share of moves. We've lived in 6 different homes to be exact.

Our first home was a one bedroom apartment with its stack washer/dryer unit that only held two bath towels at a time (maybe I exaggerate a little). It was a wonderful place to start as newlyweds :) There that we had our first Christmas as a married couple (with the craziest Charlie Brown cedar tree... ok, it was really a bush... that you've ever seen :), and survived an ice storm trapped for a few days surviving on peanut butter and crackers and playing every wedding present board game we could before our fingers went numb :)

From there we moved to our second home when we bought our first house. It would be the place where I would get my first dog, mow my first lawn, pay our first mortgage payment, and the first place we would get to put our personal touches on as a couple.

Brownwood would be our third home. This would be the home where we welcomed news of being pregnant, twice... where we would welcome Nathan into this world... and where we would say our good-byes to friends and family as we left the states to move across the world (or so it felt).

We started our life here in Cochabamba in home number 4, a small downtown apartment that gave us the opportunity to get to the know the city inside and out, learn streets and shops, and learn how to live life walking and not driving.

We moved from downtown to home number 5 a house farther north in hopes of a little peace and quiet. We welcomed Nathan's first dog into our family, had our first Bolivian Christmas, and there found out that Grant would soon be joining the ranks of the Bull herd. In moving north of town we realized in a South American culture, we really are downtown people...

So back downtown we went to home number 6... our current apartment. This is the home where I have welcomed my two youngest into the world, learned how to do hospitality in my own way, and learned the value (and flexibility) of living downtown where drop-ins from church members and friends are frequent and welcomed. It's this apartment that boasts the longest run of all our homes. This August will mark 3 years in this home for the Bull family. And for some reason today that fact has hit me really hard. I was a pregnant mom of a one year old when we moved into this home. Nathan has had his 2nd, 3rd, and 4th birthdays here... Grant and Joshua have only known this apartment as home... we've celebrated 3 Christmases within these walls... we know our neighbors and are part of a community that I treasure.

I am so excited to move back to the states, that needs to be said, but there is a huge part of me that is aching because for all the frustrations and irritations that living in another culture can bring, this is home. This apartment is home... the pencil marks down the hallway walls, the toilet that runs at 3 am, the water pump that has caused me more heartache than I could have ever imagined, the elevator that always seems to be serviced when I have a huge load of groceries to bring up 3 flights of stairs, and the concrete walls that make it impossible to hang pictures on them... but it's also the home in which I've learned to be a mommy of two and now three little boys. It holds the nursery into which I've welcomed two precious sons... nursing and rocking and praying in the wee hours of the morning over their sweet little hearts and souls. It holds the kitchen in which I've learned to enjoy cooking. It's here that we've made important family decisions about having a third child, how long to stay on the field, and our plans for when we return stateside. It's here that I've played chase with my sons, had tickle wars until our sides hurt from laughter, watched my husband play for hours with our boys, grown in appreciation for what a great husband and daddy Gary is, and understood better who I am and allowed God to teach me, stretch me and mold me into he has planned for me to be.

We've had our share of heartache here... and I'm not saying that it's been all rose-colored glasses... but for better or worse, this is home and has been for the longest stretch of our married life. In about 6 months I will pack up our life, sell off most of our things and walk out that front door for the last time. I know that what awaits us on the other side will be great, hard, but great... but I want to give value to what I leave behind... the place in which we've lived the longest, and grown the most... home.

True Encouragement...

2010-05-02T12:22:00.002-04:00

The other day found be back in our bedroom folding clothes (does laundry never end? with three boys, I'm thinking the answer is no :). Grant and Nathan were playing up front in their playroom and having a great time. Amidst the giggles and activity that I heard, Nathan said to Grant, "Great shot Grant, great shot!" It wasn't a flippant remark, or one made in passing. The words that my oldest spoke to his little brother came from the bottom of his big heart. You could hear the pride and excitement in his voice... he was truly rejoicing with his brother over a great achievement! Granted, that achievement was throwing a ball into the light fixture above his head... but that's a story for another day :) back to my point...

Nathan reminded me that day of the beauty of encouragement. In that moment of joy, he rejoiced with his brother. Here is Grant a roly poly two year old who adores his big brother... follows him around the house just looking for chances to interact with him, play with him, and be with him. Nathan will probably never understand what those simple words meant to his brother that day. And I started thinking to myself how that true joy that Nathan expressed over Grant's victory has become a lost art in today's world... I see the loss within myself and even at times within Christ's body.

It's hard isn't it? There are times when I've found it hard to truly rejoice in the victories of my fellow man... to see someone else "getting ahead" or being "blessed" and not struggle with envy or disappointment that it wasn't me. My sweet son taught me that day that Paul's words in Thessalonians are attainable... "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." I want to be a sister in Christ who truly rejoices with every fiber of my being with my friends, family, and even acquaintances when wonderful things happen in their lives'. I want that rejoicing to be pure, to come without a twinge of envy, resentment, or selfishness... to be the friend doing cartwheels in the aisle, jumping up and down in excitement, and praising God for the wonderful things that my brothers and sisters are able to do in this life, and the great blessings they experience. Oh may God continue to work on the selfishness in my human heart, and teach me through my children what it means to rejoice with and encourage those around me with faith like a child!

Content...

2010-04-24T17:01:00.003-04:00

(Warning to all readers... let the processing begin...) This past Wednesday Joshua and I made it safely back to Cochabamba. We had a whirlwind stateside trip of business and pleasure :) Can I just say as a sidenote that my little boy is the best traveler ever? Not having flown before, and not using carseats here, you never know how your kids are going to react, but he did awesome! It was his first stamp in his passport :) his first flight (6 to be exact) and his first time meeting so many friends and family!

While our trip was great and so needed, I'm having some problems upon our return... what I'm finding is that since the trip was so short, I wasn't given enought time to be tired of stateside life. Usually after furlough I'm ready to head back here to our own home, our slower pace of life, and our work as a family. Even though I was missing my hubby and boys like crazy, I'm finding that I the trip wasn't long enough for me to miss Bolivia.

It's a hard thing living between two cultures. Wow, that's an understatement... and so this last week or so I've really struggled with being content back here in my Bolivian home. It's taken some intentional thinking, giving thanks for the things I do love about my life here, and visits with some dear friends (who understand the struggle of balancing two cultures and being content in whichever one you find yourself) to help me fight the funk.

I know that our time is limited here, that this year is going to fly by. But I don't want to take comfort in that fact. I want to soak up our last year here. I want to savor every moment, every memory, and every opportunity. As Gary will tell you (according to all the personality testing we've done in the course of our married life) I, Laura Bull, am an advancer. Which as I understand it, means that I am a person who likes forward motion, planning and completing the task. This limbo land of not moving forward (b/c we're still too far out from our move date) is killing me. I want to be packing stuff, selling stuff, pitching stuff, finding a house stateside for us, applying for grad schools (for Gary... I am most definitely NOT going back to school), finding jobs to support ourselves while Gary's in school... oh and the list goes on.

But that desire to be in forward motion can rob today of its joy, its memories, and its value in my life. I'm trying daily to remember Paul's words of wisdom about being content in any situation, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation", but can I confess that I'm struggling to put them into practice?

Little pieces of me...

2010-04-04T19:23:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow night I'll board a plane with Joshua in my arms. Nathan and Grant will be here at home, getting ready for bed with their daddy, and carrying a piece of my heart with them (whether they realize it or not).

Being a mommy is the most humbling experience by far that this life has brought my way... it has taught me so much about life, myself, and my heart. Did you know that the heart can be shared? It's not divided, not torn, but shared between my three sons... and since two of them will be staying here for two weeks holding down the fort with their daddy, pieces of my heart will stay here with them. It will be a long two weeks away from them, and yet I know it will fly by...

I will miss their giggles, their hugs, their kisses, their spontaneous Mommy, I love you's, their sweet faces beside our bed in the morning, their sticky faces, chubby hands, and basically all that is them... and as I sing their bedtime songs tonight, I will hug them a little tighter, hold them a little longer, and pray over them a little stronger, that they will always know, that no matter where I am, they hold pieces of my heart!

Father's Day #1 2010

2010-03-23T20:42:00.008-04:00

One of the fun perks of living in another country is celebrating holidays in your current country and in your home country. This past week we celebrated the bolivian Father's Day. Nathan's school had a Father's Day party (you should see four year old Bolivians dancing "Singing in the rain" with their daddies... arms out, elbows back, thumbs up, knees bent, head back, tongue out and all :).

Then on Sunday the Sunday school teachers at church put together a little program for the fathers of the congregation. It was super sweet... a song about how the kiddos want to be like their daddies. Nathan was game for dressing up, Grant... not so much :) My boys have such a great daddy! Gary has taught me so much about being a parent just by example. He is intentional about parenting our boys, teaching them how to be men of God and for that I am so grateful! He has a great balance of teaching and fun :) these boys LOVE tackle, tickle, and wrestle time with their daddy! And thank goodness for the daddy with three little boys, because this mommy just doesn't have it within her to be all that three little boys need in the rough-house department :)

Gary, thank you for being not only the man of my dreams, but the amazing man in my daily life, loving our boys, sacrificing for them, and teaching them Godly ways. I am so very blessed to be on this journey of parenting our boys with you!

Nathan all dressed and ready to go :)

Grant... trying to figure out, "What is it exactly I'm supposed to be doing?"
Even the girls got in on the dress-up (Michaela and Jubilee and then Carmen and her daughter Paula)

This is what happens when you try to catch a picture of two crazy little four year olds at the same time... the back of Nathan's head...
Now the back of Mateo's head...
Well, no smiles, but at least they're both facing forward :)

Feliz Dia del Padre!

Loved on...

2010-03-15T15:10:00.008-04:00

So if you remember right, and haven't slept since then (as my mom likes to say :) we had a super fun birthday week this past year for Nathan... but as my birthday rolled around I was not expecting a birthday week... just some fun time with friends, a date with my hubby, and the excuse to eat some fun birthday sweets (although I don't really wait for an excuse to eat sweets :). It all started on Friday night before my birthday when I got to go out to a super fun (and long, since in Bolivian style we waited almost an hour for our food) dinner with these beautiful women! God has blessed me tremendously with their friendships and it was a truly wonderful way to kick-off the birthday festivities :)

After dinner we tried to get a good picture, but Cochabambinos don't really do all that great at digital photography... but at least we remember what a fun night it was :) with Angie, Beth, Julie, Denise, and Carolina (hiding on the back row :)

Saturday was filled with a birthday lunch with my hubby, a movie, and a midnight serenade from the ladies at church... we were sitting in the living room watching tv and we heard sweet voices from outside on the street... so we went to the balcony and there below were a group of women from church singing beautiful songs about birthdayness... what a fun surprise :) after they finished their musical debut, they came up for hot chocolate and cake... it was a great memory made!

They made their exit around 2 in the morning and the next day was a craziness of activity... it started with a ladies ministry meeting before church (at 8:30) where we ate yummy strawberry birthday cake thanks to Julie (b/c it's never too early in the day to eat birthday cake :) then we had church service and a church members meeting afterwards... around 3:00 we headed down to the lake to eat a late lunch with a family from church who wanted to take me out for my birthday, and around 6:30 we made it back home... talk about a long day (not just for me, but for my boys :) but they did great and it was a fun time!

At our late lunch, Gary and the boys took a boat ride around the lake :)

And if you know me well, you know that my love language is gift giving... I love giving gifts, getting gifts, and planning gifts :) My friends and family here pulled out all the stops in speaking my love language to me this year... wanna see? :)

Beautiful earrings made by Renata, one of our sisters here at church.

Look at this precious picture frame (made from recycled newspaper) of the ladies at church... on the back they all signed it and wrote sweet messages to me... talk about a treasure huh?

My sweet friend Beth thought a birthday present that I wouldn't have to pack up might be better this year :) so a cheese cake showed up at my house in her hands, and talk about yummy! I joked with her that I may not have to pack it in my luggage, but it definitely got packed onto my backside :)

You can't go wrong with yummy lotion and chocolate from Carolina... and this picture would've included the yummy chocolate cookies that she made too... but they got eaten too fast for a picture :)
Sweet Sonia (our househelp) is always so precious to bring me flowers on my birthday... and this year was no exception... I had forgotten just how much I love fresh sunflowers!
These beauties are a combination of flowers from my sweet hubby, Jenny (our househelp) and teammates... aren't they lovely?

And this picture shows one of the most thoughtful gifts I think I've ever received... my sweet friend Angie put together this package for me... a sweet necklace made from 5 Bs. (a story for just her and I), pictures of special memories (get togethers, coffee dates, baby showers, and birthday parties), and do you see all those sweet notes? She put together tons and tons of notes, things that she's learned about me and from me and special memories we've made over the past few years... all I have to say is, talk about feeling treasured! This is one of those gifts that I will remember, value and treasure for years and years to come!

Katie knew that you can't go wrong with Cadbury eggs for birthday presents for Laura :)

A special birthday package from Mom and Dad filled with fun magazines, yummy candy, kool-aid and Ranch dressing!

And Denise knew that you can never have enough yummy lotion or coffee cups in this house :)

To all my friends and family who wrote, called, or spent time with me face to face, thank you for all that you did to make this birthday such a special one. You made me feel treasured beyond compare! It's my last that I will spend here in this place that we've made home and it was a wonderful memory that I will carry with me wherever I go!

The cream in our oreo...

2010-02-20T22:31:00.004-04:00

I always said that the middle child was the cream in the oreo... I just never expected to have one :) I didn't plan to have three children, two or four, even numbers that could be paired off, but never an odd number like three. And yet again, God giggles at me, his daughter for telling him what I will not do :) and this time I'm so so so thankful, because the product is my precious son Grant Thomas. Grant, you came into our lives' two years ago and you opened my heart in a whole new way. You have shown me what it means to be completely overwhelmed with love for my children... to love you up with snuggles, tackles, and tickle wars. You love so fiercely and it shows me so much of who you are. You are a passionate little boy and sometimes that gets you into serious trouble, but I'm praying that God will take that passion he placed within you and use it for his kingdom. You are growing into a precious little boy and I know one day you will be an amazing man! May God bless you my precious second born, and may you always know how much I treasure you, who you are, and all that you have taught me about this life, and about myself! Happy Birthday Grant Thomas... I love you more than my next breath!

Fun in the sun :)

2010-02-20T16:23:00.009-04:00

So while all of our friends and family in the states are enjoying snow and bundling up, we're enjoying some fun in the sun :) These past few weeks have been the Carnaval (South American Mardi Gras... except even more pagan) season for Bolivia. The streets are filled with water guns, water balloons, buckets of water being thrown at people passing by (are you seeing a theme here? :) and lots of partying. Today we went to the annual parade called Corso de Corsos. Each year in Cochabamba groups (from civic groups to military groups) dress up and march in the parade. The night before the Corso people set up bleachers and seats and Cochabambinos come and buy their seats for the next morning.

This year our sweet secretary Gabi invited us to come and watch the parade from the balconey of her family's apartment on the parade route! It worked out perfect since that way we could come and go as we wanted to and we were up and away from all the water gun shooting, water balloon throwing, and foam spraying. So instead of looking like these poor people, we looked like this :)
This is Gabisito, Gabriela's son who is such a great friend to our boys! While at the parage we saw groups dressed up like almost anything you can think of... The Simpsons...

Avatar...
The Trojans...

Mario Brothers...

(These guys had the right idea... carry a big barrel of water in the back of your float and arm yourself with some big buckets... game on!)

Chinese Dragons...And more traditional Bolivian culture...

Bolivian peach season is in full swing :)

Dressed up as traditional Bolivian bread.
It's been such an experience for our boys to grow up in two cultures so different and distinct. Mornings like today will be memories made that they will carry with them back to the states :)

Ruh-Roh

2010-02-16T07:29:00.003-04:00

Who knew that following in the footsteps of his big brother would start so soon? :)

My sweet Joshua...

2010-02-12T17:25:00.005-04:00

This sweet little stud muffin turned three months old today...

Oh my goodness how time flies!

And so it begins...

2010-02-02T14:29:00.010-04:00

Rather than rewrite (and use precious brain power that with three little ones underfoot is sometimes hard to come by :) I wanted to share with you a portion of our most recent family newsletter...

January 2006… Gary, Nathan and I boarded a plane bound for Cochabamba, Bolivia. There was excitement about the realization of the dream we had envisioned now for years, sadness in leaving our families and friends stateside and yet a new life waiting for us here in our new home. If you had shown me a snapshot, a glimpse of what the next 4 years would hold for us, I’m not sure I would have believed you :).

(Send-off Sunday at Austin Avenue Church of Christ)

(Nathan and I at the Miami airport, January 2006)

We’ve grown as a family… in more ways than one, as individuals and as a couple. We’ve passed milestones as a family… birthdays, anniversaries, and the birth of two sons. We’ve reached milestones in ministry… establishing a downtown office for the team, finding and setting up a church location, witnessing the adding of new brothers and sisters in Christ, watching the body here grow in maturity as well as size, and beginning to hand over the church and its ministries to our Bolivian brothers and sisters. We’ve gained a second language, culture, and home.

This past year we evaluated our time here, the goals we had met, and our future plans. It was with much prayer and petition for wisdom that we made decisions about the coming years and what they would hold for our family. After months of prayer and planning, we as a family decided that this year, 2010, will be our last year living and working in Cochabamba. Gary and I both feel very blessed by our time and experience here. Our time as missionaries has enriched our family and our faith in ways that we never could have anticipated. We are so thankful for the opportunity we’ve had to partner with our heavenly Father in the work of planting a church here in Cochabamba. It has stretched our faith, pushed us out of our comfort zones, and shown us daily what an important job we as Christians have in this world to share his gospel and salvation. We will miss our church family here in Bolivia, teammates, friends we’ve made here in Cochabamba, and the life that we lead here.

We are also thankful for the opportunity that we will have to live close to family and friends again, sharing important milestones with them face to face as opposed to over emails and webcams. We ask for your prayers for our family as we make this transition back to stateside living. Please pray for our last year of ministry here, our travel back and forth to the states in preparation for our return, decisions we make about career paths in the states, and decisions we make about our family lifestyle. We pray for wisdom and constant guidance from our heavenly Father as we savor these last months here. He was so faithful in bringing us here to Cochabamba, and we pray that his faithfulness will shine just as brightly as we plan the months ahead. Thank you for your support of us as a family, of the ministry we’ve been a part of here in Cochabamba, and through those, the support you’ve given to your fellow brothers and sisters here in Bolivia. God bless you!

Having that said... this blog is going to be my processing place for the next year. I'm already starting to grieve the life that we're leaving behind here. I know that so many changes lie ahead for us, and not being a huge fan of change, I'm going to need a place to work things out :). Just wanted to give you a heads up... it's going to be a fun time of memories of what we've lived, with much anticipation of what's to come, but it might get a little emotionally sticky... I'm just sayin' :)

Precious words :)

2010-01-29T23:20:00.002-04:00

Walking with Nathan today, this is the conversation you would have overheard:

Nathan: Mommy, who made the water? (we talk alot these days about who made things and who provides for us)

Mommy: I don't know Nathan, who made the water?

Nathan: God did!

Mommy: You're so right Nathan!

Nathan: I talked to God at the park at school. (a.k.a. the playground)

Mommy: Really?

Nathan: Yep. Because God's always with me. (which we've been working hard on understanding so that he's not scared at night... because God is always with him! So glad to know it sank in!)

Mommy: Did God talk to you?

Nathan: Uh-huh!

Mommy: What did he say to you?

Nathan: He said, "You're great!"

Mommy: God's right Nathan... You are great! :)

My goodness how I love this little boy!

Sweet baby...

2010-01-26T18:34:00.004-04:00

Drumroll please....

Joshua slept 8 straight hours last night! (and the crowd goes wild!)

Now if I could just get his big brothers to do the same :)

Introductions...

2010-01-19T13:23:00.003-04:00

When Gary and I made the decision to move back downtown I had no idea what a sense of community it would bring to our lives'. You see most everything I buy, or errands I run, are within about a three to four block radius from our house. I'm on foot alot and so I meet and greet the same people almost daily. The corner store owner, the egg lady across the street, the girls that work at the bread store, the pharmacist on the corner, the fruit lady at her stand, the salon owner just a couple doors down, and the guard for the store downstairs. As we progressed in our pregnancy it was so fun to watch them get excited with us, ask what we were having, when we were due, and how the big brothers were doing with the changes :) After Joshua's birth you should have seen the people stopping us in the street to see our newest son. It was amazing how they all wanted to meet this new bundle of joy :) Friends came to the hospital to meet Joshua. Church members were in our home for days to meet Joshua. When I go places without him people ask me to bring him back later so that they can meet him :) I was thinking to myself as he and I ran errands the other day if there is anyone I have missed in his introductions... and my mind went directly to the story in Matthew...

Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. -Matthew 19:13.

I walked the streets here in Cochabamba longing for a face to face meeting with Jesus. Here in my arms lay my precious third son, and the one pair of arms I long to place him in more than anything were the arms of my Savior. I know metaphorically we've already committed him to the Lord and to raising him in a Christian home, but that day I wondered what it would be like as a mother to physically lay my child in the arms of my precious Jesus. What a fulfilling experience that must have been for the mothers of these children in Matthew... to watch the Messiah lay hands on their most prized possessions, to love on them, and to pray for them. I cannot even begin to imagine what a blessing that was! Until the day that we meet in heaven, I will lay my children at the feet of our Lord everyday in prayer... but there will always be the human part of me, the part that needs those physical connections, that will long to introduce my children to Jesus in this world, face to face.

So with no further ado, let me introduce you friends and family to the third Bull boy :) Joshua Eric Bull. Joshua (two months old now... I know, I know, I'm so behind!) was born November 12 in the wee hours of the morning :) He's growing like a weed, and getting used to the noises and constant activity that his big brothers have brought to his life :) Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers as we brought this new little one into the world. Praise God for his provision and faithfulness in giving us the gift of Joshua!

Three years... where does the time go?

2010-01-17T15:00:00.008-04:00

Well, needless to say there's much catching up for me to do here at the Bull family blog... but I couldn't let the overwhelming nature of all the blog posts unwritten deter me from sharing with you all on this great day! This morning with over 100 of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ we celebrated 3 years a church (complete with birthday cake, toasts, and awards:). It was a day that was lead by Bolivians... from worship leading, to preaching, to announcements, to greeting, to award giving and so much more. We are being blessed tremendously as we watch our Bolivian brothers and sisters rise to the occasion of leadership in our Lord's church! It is truly overwhelming to think of the changes he has made in these past three years, growing his body not only in numbers but in maturity. Oh how we praise Him and give Him all the thanks for letting us be a part of this precious time here in Bolivia! Enjoy the pics...

Bruno Vargas (our youth group leader) leading worship. Bruno was in the accident this summer and was confined to their apartment with a leg and arm in cast for weeks. His faith and relationship with the Lord, along with his leadership, has grown by leaps and bounds this past year and we praise God for where he is in his walk!

Bruno and Butch praying over Pedro Chavez as he prepares to lead our worship through his preaching.

Sunday morning worship service... look at that packed house!

Tables and tables of our fellow Bolivian Christians celebrating together the faithfulness of God in his church here :)

Thanks to funds donated by Richland Hills Church of Christ we were able to start a scholarchip fund in memory of the three precious teenage girls we lost in the bus accident this year... these three college students (Renata, Bruno, and Rebeca) will receive the first year's scholarships and we are so excited to be able to help them out in this way!
And have I mentioned how much I love living in a culture that LOVES babies? I never lack for a pair of arms asking to hold my children... if I wasn't nursing Joshua, I might never actually get to hold this little man :) This is my dear friend Pocha holding Joshua while I play photographer :)
And before all the festivities started we decided it was time for a new family picture... Joshua included :) we actually got one that was worth keeping :)

And look at this chunky monkey :)

Nathan's birthday week... 4 years old!!!

2009-09-16T19:38:00.009-04:00

So in all my pregnant wisdom and clear thinking, I (the crazy mommy) thought that as Nathan's fourth birthday approached, we would try something different this year :) I have a friend from college who loves to celebrate birthday weeks for those she loves (i.e. her hubby and kids). Sounds like fun right? And it really was so so so much fun, and it actually did help to spread out the fun over a week as opposed to having all the craziness in one day. My stamina is not great these days :)

So we started on Monday after Nathan got home from school and celebrated all week long... birthday signs, birthday balloons, a present everyday, cupcakes (for his school party that we didn't have since he was under the weather that day), birthday cakes for church and a team birthday party to wrap up the week.

I love that everyday he got to remember how much he is loved and cherished... how much we have loved watching him grow over the past 4 years... and how much we are trusting God to continue to grow him into the man he is meant to be. Nathan has been such a great first child for Gary and I, teaching us so much about ourselves, how to be parents, and even better how to understand God's love for us as we grow in our love for Nathan. He's a great big brother who really looks out for Grant (when he's not stealing his toys :). He gets more affectionate as time goes on (which this mommy loves) and is really growing into his personality. We pray that God will continue to guide us and show us the best way to raise him so that one day we will not only call him our son, but our brother in Christ... thank you to those who have helped us along in this journey of parenting Nathan and celebrated with us the joy of our firstborn!

Opening our first day's present.

This is what happened when I said... Nathan, hold up your present and smile... not exactly what I was going for :) but in his defense... he is smiling from behind his airplanes!

One of the things I love about Nathan... When he saw that there were four planes he said to me, Look Mommy, one for you, one for Daddy, one for brother and one for me! Sweet boy!

And even though we didn't get to take our cupcakes to school, that didn't keep us from enjoying them at home :)

Even Grant got in on the action!

More birthday present fun from Nena and Papa!

Since his birthday was actually on Sunday we made cakes to take to church... they definitely evolved in the decorating process :) but I think they turned out good and he liked them, so that's all that matters! :)

And to round out birthday week we had our team birthday party Sunday night with (yes you guessed it...) more cake - ok, actually brownies, and alot of energy and fun in our apartment. Nathan's Nena and Do-Do picked out these fancy party decorations and when Nathan woke up from his nap to a table ready for fun... he was in heaven!
And last but not least... having some fun with mommy and our new birthday presents... talk about some cool bead bugs... the fun has just begun! :)

Visitors...

2009-09-01T15:56:00.008-04:00

One of the fun things about having stateside visitors is getting the chance to see Cochabamba as if for the first time again :) This past weekend we were blessed to have Derek, Ben and Julie from our supporting congregation of Westside Church of Christ (in Round Rock, TX) come and visit. The trip was fast and furious, but we're so thankful they made the sacrifice to come and see us and the work that we do here. They were great travelers who were up for anything and really interested in doing as much as possible during their time here. They got some great pictures that I thought I'd share with you so that you can catch their glimpse of Cochabamba, and see all you'd get to be a part of if you make the journey to Bolivia to see the Bull family :)

Downtown Cochabamba right across the street from the church office.

Anybody need a shoe shine? :)

I know they came all the way down here just to ride on the famous Bolivian "micros"... needless to say that's not one of the adventures we decided to have :)
I forget sometimes how beautiful the flowers are here in the middle of the city... just wait until we hit spring and summer, man I can't wait!

What... a parade downtown for no reason at all? No, surely not! (insert serious sarcasm :)
Good 'ol Ben... always up for humoring our Nathan and having a great time doing it (at least we hope he had a great time... we know Nathan did!)

When they went by the office to visit and meet our secretary Gabriela... they had the wonderful opportunity to meet her handy assistant :) we're just waiting for him to be put on the payroll... a mom can dream right? :)

We made sure to take them by our favorite ice cream shop... hey, a pregnant woman's gotta use every excuse she can for a good dip of ice cream right?
They were great troopers at the Saturday market, enjoying seeing new fruits and vegetables and watching the entire process of buying what we need for the week ahead.

A type of Bolivian potato that I've never seen in the states... I really gotta give it a try sometime... they say they're really good baked with a roast in the oven... maybe next week :)
And no, I did not make them try what you see above... which yes, is cow tongue and other various parts that we'll leave to the imagination.

They did a great job at church on Sunday despite the language barrier. Even Julie got in on the potluck action by serving in the kitchen... now that's my kind of visitors!

Ben and Julie with Bruno at church on Sunday. Julie on KP duty :)

On Monday before their flight out, they were invited to attend a traditional birthday lunch for Johnny, one of the members from church. They got to try new foods, hear a mariachi band play for the birthday "boy", and watch the tradition of shoving his face into the birthday cake after blowing out the candles... they also managed to take some great pictures of Nathan and all the fun he had at the party too :)

The band.

Johnny, one of our brothers in Christ who recently placed membership with his wife Ligia, and their three children Rosa, Ricky, and Mateo (Nathan's new best friend).Nathan loving his time outside to play!

Nathan and Mateo... truly two peas in a pod!

To Derek, Ben, and Julie, thank you so much for coming to see us, hauling down goodies from our families and friends, having the desire to see what our work here is all about, loving on your Bolivian brothers and sisters, and encouraging us beyond what you will ever know! We loved having you in our home and look forward to the next time we meet again! God bless!

Sunday marked two months...

2009-09-01T11:00:00.006-04:00

I wish you could have been there. I know you may not have understood the Spanish being spoken, that you would not have known everyone by name, and that you may have been overwhelmed... but what I am sure of is that you still would have understood. You would have understood that a body of believers are still grieving, mourning, supporting each other, praying, crying, and yet rejoicing in the triumphs we have experienced... yet all of it TOGETHER. It was amazing to be there and watch our Bolivian brothers and sisters express the emotions they still have, hold each other, lay hands on each other, pray over each other and sing words of encouragement to each other (even if that meant singing into a cell phone held up in the middle of service to those who could not be with us physically that morning). It was almost more than I could bear emotionally at times to watch parents and teens circle around each other and hold each other as they prayed for their group, their families, their recoveries and their faith...

It touched my heart and soul to watch Leticia present a Bible to a mother from the pueblo Poho and her son who were there at the scene of the accident, carrying our kids up to the road to reach medical help and recovering the personal items that were thrown from the bus during the accident. What you must know is that when there is a bus accident of any magnitude, it is usually very rare for people to come and help in this way... to put their own lives' in danger... to be a peace and a calm amongst such chaos... and to recover personal items that are usually just counted as lost or stolen... well, let's just say it was miraculous to say the least. To watch parents meet this precious woman and her son, hug face to face, greet each other with a kiss (and tear marked cheeks) and thank her for caring for their children in a time when they could not... let's just say I'm crying all over again just reliving it with you now...

It brought such tremendous joy to my heart to meet Kevin for the first time and to have him back amongst us, wheelchair and all :) Kevin is the cousin of two of our youth who had begun to attend just recently this summer with his mom and little sister. He's been homebound and in a wheelchair since the accident and has been unable to attend services... but was there with this precious smile on his face and a spirit of gratitude to be with his friends and family again.

The struggle that the parents continue to deal with who lost daughters in the wreck weighs so heavy on my heart. So to capture this moment of Wendy (far left - mother of Ariana) and Jorge and Sandra (parents of Diana) being prayed over during worship on Sunday is one that I will treasure for years to come. The strength that they have shown has been amazing amidst this time of heart break. As a mother now I can only begin to imagine what they suffer on a daily basis and continue to pray that God will give them the strength, comfort, and guidance that they need to hold to Him and be the parents that their surviving children need.

Yet, in the middle of heartache and struggle, our seats were full... chairs were being brought out through service until the end and we were blessed to have the assurance that God is with us through this all... that He has never left us, will never leave us, and will continue to bless HIS work here in Cochabamba no matter what Satan tries to throw our way!

In a world that is so strongly Catholic and places such strong emphasis on the masses that take place following a death, it was an honor to be able to give a Christian alternative for the families of our youth group... a place where they could come together on the date that marked two months from the accident and pray, worship and continue to remember the God that we serve even amidst the trials of this world. Please continue to pray for our church body, those who continue to recover physically from the accident, and for the families of Ariana, Diana, and Belen as they continue to grieve the loss of their precious girls'.

Worn out...

2009-08-31T22:15:00.004-04:00

Well, our stateside visitors have come and gone. Their trip was short and sweet, but so appreciated and welcomed and we're so glad they made the sacrifice to come and see us and the work here in Cochabamba. I'm working on a few new posts of their visit and of this past Sunday (which marked the two month date of the bus accident), but thought I'd sign off for the night with new pictures of the boys :) One thing about visitors is that they give such wonderful attention to our kids. And this group was no exception :) so much so that I think the boys had their fill and then some... especially since this is what I found in various spots of the apartment over the past couple days...

(We're trying to decide since Grant's in the 95% percentile for height and over 100% percentile for weight, and with the gigantor hands that you see above whether he'll end up being our tight end or quarterback :) maybe he'll be our basketball player that can palm a ball at the age of two :)

From the mommy who gets to go to bed early tonight with both boys sacked out... THANK YOU VISITORS for all your hard work in wearing these two out :) it's not an easy job!

Too much mommy...

2009-08-24T14:18:00.002-04:00

A friend was reminding me today of what an adventure it is having extra inches added to your physical body's dimensions while you're pregnant... it can lead to many interesting situations :) I don't remember having that many run-ins with Nathan while pregnant with Grant. He was pretty good about not following mommy too closely. Grant on the other hand is constantly invading my personal hoola hoop space and has had quite a few collisions with me and the baby lately. If he's not getting kicked by the baby while sitting in my lap, he's head butting my belly as he runs by me in route to chase after his big brother... but the one that makes me laugh the most has been the backside-to-head collisions that we have now on a daily basis.

I tend to go around the house picking up throughout the day and Grant has yet to learn that if you follow too closely behind mommy it might cause a problem :) Apparently I need one of those signs like trucks have that recommend you to follow within a certain distance, leave space for wide turns, or warn you of frequent stops that this vehicle will be making :) So many times I stop in my tracks and bend over to pick up a toy, food, blankie, you name it and all of a sudden there is a head bump from behind... I turn to find my sweet baby looking at me as if to say, Mom, seriously, I did not need to get that up close and personal with you today :) Let's just hope the poor child can learn his lesson or the next two months could prove dangerous for him :) At least he takes after his mommy and has a hard head... it may be his only saving grace!

The painstaking visa process...

2009-08-21T20:19:00.003-04:00

A friend in the states recently asked me about the visa process here in Bolivia... I write often about it on facebook or in our newsletters so.... I wrote up a little :) sense the sarcasm please explanation for you, my faithful few, on what it means to obtain a Bolivian visas as missionaries here in Cochabamba... hold on tight cause here we go :)

Sometimes I forget in the daily living as an overseas missionary that there are so many aspects of our lives' here that you may not know about. I take for granted that you know we have to used bottled water for everything... that I have to disinfect all our produce... that most everything we buy here to eat is fresh b/c there is simply not a frozen section in the grocery store... that utilities can be your best friend (providing you internet to keep in touch with people) or your worst enemy (leaving you without water for days at a time).

It is a challenge living abroad, I'll be the first to admit :) but in the long run, it's so worth all the headache of living in a third world country! The work we get to do here and get to be a part of, the lives we see change and the hearts that come to know Christ, and the difference it makes in our family life is so worth all the inconveniences we may have to put up with along the way.

One part of living abroad is living legally in another country. Gary, Nathan and I are required by the Bolivian government to have current visas in order to live here legally in Cochabamba. Grant is covered since he was born here (thank goodness... one less visa to obtain :).

As a foreigner here in Bolivia there is a process that you go through to obtain a visa. There is much much paperwork... background checks (to make sure you're not Butch Cassidy or the Sundance kid hiding out as fugitives :), proof of economic stability (letters from supporting churches to prove that you have stable income), proof of relationship with the church in Bolivia (letters from the church here saying that you have their support to work here under the name Church of Christ), marriage licenses, birth certificates, blood work, vaccinations, proof of residency here (copies of rental contracts and past electric bills with your name and id on them), and probably so much more that I'm just not remembering right now.

Many of these documents are obtained at offices from one end of town to the other... require many hours of standing in line (yes, with children in tow)... more pictures than you ever care to have taken of yourself (b/c every office seems to require a picture with a different colored background)... translating of your personal documents (marriage license and birth certificates... and be sure to use official copies or transcripts b/c what they don't tell you is that if you use your original in the process you'll never see it again)... and fees everywhere you look.

When you come into the country you have 90 days with a tourist visa to start your one year visa process if you should choose to do so. Once you've obtained your one year visa you move on to a two year visa and from there a permanent visa. We as a family have completed our one- year visas, our two-year visas and were ready to start the visa process again upon returning from furlough. We were under the impression that we could continue with two-year visas to remain legally here in Bolivia until we made the decision to return to the states.

Boy were we wrong. Apparently the visa system is a stairstep process. Once you've obtained your two-year visa, you are forced to move on to the permanent visa. We usually pay for our visas out of our personal salary. For the three of us to get new two year visas we had approximately $500 budgeted. Not a huge hit, but still, $500 is $500. Then to our surprise in returning and starting the process with a recommended lawyer (a must have in this entire circus act :) we found out that no, we could not continue with two-year visas, but had to move on to a permanent visa.

This was "bad" news for two reasons... for financial reasons and because we know permanent visas have the potential to be a huge headache to obtain. Permanent visas for the three of us to remain here working in Cochabamba (which is definitely what we want to do) will end up costing our family approximately $2100 when all is said and done. A little different than $500 huh? That is why in our last family newsletter we asked family and friends to help out financially this time around. We've already been so blessed by supporters coming along side us to help us, but we still lack alot and could use any help anyone would like to give (sorry for the shameless plug).

The second reason that permanent visas can be a pain is that there is the potential for the government officials to request an inspection. This inspection is an even more thorough delving into your life... visits to your home... resubmitted paperwork from your one-year visa process and so much more. When we went to complete our paperwork in immigration yesterday there was definitely the potential for this to happen... we even had a man behind us in line coming to set up an appointment for his home visit because they had required an inspection of him... it is literally up to the mercy of the government officials as to whether your paperwork is passed on through, or whether you're going to have to jump through hoops you didn't know existed. Whether it was Nathan's amazing behavior, the fact that I'm big pregnant, or that the officials were just feeling generous, it looks as though all our paperwork was passed on through to La Paz, without the inspection process.

We're holding our breath, praying hard, and waiting to hear good news in a month or so. From there we will then start the process of getting our new Bolivian ids made. Makes you thankful you live in your home country right? :) I think that's the visa process in a nutshell... if you're still with me as a reader... God bless you for your time and patience, and desire to have just a peek into what we go through to stay on the mission field as overseas missionaries. Like I said, it's a pain at times, always an adventure, but so worth it! God bless!

The Bull Blues Brothers...

2009-08-21T15:49:00.002-04:00

So how do you cast your vote? Will baby bull #3 actually survive these two? After last night's karate exhibition between Nathan and Grant (in which there were no injuries thank goodness :) I wasn't so sure. Let's hope he has the strength of his Biblical namesake Joshua to help him along the way :)

A time to grieve and a time to rejoice...

2009-08-03T15:53:00.007-04:00

What wisdom came from the author of Ecclesiastes as he penned the fact that there are so many seasons to this life we live!

We have definitely been walking through a time of grieving, mourning, and loss... but God is good and faithful and He has brought us much to rejoice about as well.

Two Sunday's ago we rejoiced as a new sister Elsa put the Lord on in baptism...

This past Sunday a precious member of our youth group and our small group, a single mom named Carmen, put her Savior on in baptism as well...

Agustina's house is in its finishing stages (thanks to such hard work from Miguel - Belen's father who remains in a clinic here with traumatic brain injury - and Gaston)...

Before

After

I started a new girls prayer time for youth group members and it went really well last week... this past Sunday as well a family that has been worshipping with us placed their membership with us and committed to us and us to them - Welcome Johnny and Lijia, we're so excited to have you and your kids as a part of the body here in Cochabamba...

Saturday night we had a small one night course on evangelism/obeying the gospel/being a member of the church and over 20 were in attendance which was a great encouragement to the guys!... we've gotten good news that a move to the 5th floor of our building could be VERY possible (which would give the boys some outdoor space to play, which we're finding is VERY important for little Grant man)... pregnancy continues to go well, trying to pick a name for this third little man is coming, slowly but surely :) ... and while I'm sure there are many more things as well, that's a great start huh?

In transitioning back to life here it's good for me to actively remember God's movement here among us. We've passed through difficult times this past month and it could have been something Satan used against us... but on the contrary, the church continues to grow strong, members have pulled together, visitors continue to come and we're seeing growth among our members. Their faith grows deeper in the Lord and all He has planned for them and for us and that is something to step back, remember, take note of, and PRAISE GOD FOR! So thanks for giving me a public place to acknowledge that God is good, God is faithful, and that He never changes... no matter what happens, He was, He is, and He is to come!

Update: July 9, 2009`

2009-07-09T22:09:00.002-04:00

(By Julie Marcum)

Just wanted to keep everyone updated on the latest news and prayer requests....

-Josh is doing great, getting back into the saddle as they would say in OK... He started driving yesterday... says he's fine (of course the wife worries a little bit). He spent yesterday morning at the doc and visiting Kevin. Doc says he's healing nicely, but it'll be about a month till the ribs stop hurting. He's still pretty sore but walking around much better. Keep praying for Kevin - and for several of the kids - who will have up to 2 months bedrest.

-Josh also spent the better part of the afternoon at the forensics office. Each victim has to go in for a physical exam which will help the d.a's office (for lack of a better term) to prosecute the case. It was a frustrating Bolivia experience. He spent an hour getting the paper that he needed the dr. to write on and waited another 2 and a half and didn't even get seen! Then he found out he didn't have everything he needed - that he needed the original xrays and a report from the first hospital. So he had to go pick that up and has to be back at the office at 9:30am for his exam. Pray for patience as all of this can be a very frustrating cultural experience!-I spoke to Butch yesterday who went by to see Miguel. He said Miguel seemed to be wanting to wake up - tossing and turning - which is a good sign, but the dr.'s are concerned about a blood clot and so are inducing further coma until they feel better about that. Pray that the blood clot will dissapate or move so it will no longer be a threat.

-A group from Santa Cruz arrived yesterday to encourage the brethren here... We have felt a great show of support and love from all the churches around the country. They brought a collection of money - such a sacrifice for the people here -and news that one of the brothers is selling his car to be able to contribute funds to the people here. It is so wonderful being part of the family of God at times like this. We are so thankful for all the funds that are pouring in from all over! I am going to order Ariel's cochlear device today on line and have it sent to Josh's sister, Jenny, who will be coming back in a couple weeks. Thank the Lord with us that there is now a specialist here in Coch. that can calibrate it... they used to have to travel to Chile to have it done - and that is out of the question right now with Ariel's medical condition.

-The Bulls arrived safely on Tuesday - praise God!

-And finally, if I could request for our family, pray for Jana who started throwing up and having diareahea yesterday - I felt like I was at the end of my rope when I woke up having to clean up everything... She's still not feeling the greatest, but I have a dr.'s appointment today for her.I am hoping to be able to post some pictures later on of the crash site and some of our jovenes...Thanks again for all your prayers and support!

Update: July 4, 2009

2009-07-04T21:37:00.002-04:00

Julie Marcum posted these newest updates earlier today:

Here is the latest news and prayer requests....

-Jonathan Sandoval had his back surgery this morning. I talked to Butch a little bit ago and he said the surgery went well, that the doctor was pleased, and that JD was recovering from the anathesia, but was joking and talking on coming to. He should be in the hospital about another week. Then it will be between 20-30 days recovery/rest time here in Coch. before he can travel. He had a pretty uncomfortable afternoon and is frustrated like all our other injured from being laid up for so long.

-Rachel Sandoval had the stiches removed from her face and is looking much better.

-Alejandra was readmitted to a different clinic yesterday because of a fever - it appears they didn't clean the wound on her arm very well at the first hospital and they had to open it up, clean it out and stitch it back up. She was released this afternoon.

-Now that the initial shock is over, several of the youth involved are struggling emotionally. Please pray for emotional healing...

-Rebecca rallied today and was sitting up, talking, and joking with the visitors that came to see her. She said she's ready to play football! Praise God for her continued recovery.

-Miguel is beginning to move his hands and feet - a good sign!

-There may be some new legal developments involving the responsibility of the bus agency. The families are attempting to file some kind of civil action against the bus company and the police. There is the possibility that the bus company might bribe the police in the little town that has a checkpoint on the way to the camp in order to have a report that says all their paperwork was in order and that it was mechanical failure of the bus that caused the accident. A cousin of the Vargas family, who is a lawyer, is driving out tomorrow to file a claim to hopefully prevent this action. Please pray that justice will be done and that if the bus agency is responsible, that they will be held responsible.

-Please pray too for the recovery of Ariel's cochlear device. He is deaf in one ear and it has not been located with the rest of the stuff. We have heard that there was a box of cell phones and other such items recovered at the site, but it was not delivered with the rest of the baggage yesterday. It is very common here in Bolivia when bus wrecks occur that people loot the luggage in the process of rescuing the victims. Thankfully, this has not seemed to be the case in our situation. Pray that honest people have found this box and will return it and that Ariel's hearing aid (which cannot be purchased here in Bolivia) will be located.

-The Sandoval family suffered another tragedy tonight with the loss of his neice who has been suffering with cancer. Please pray for them as they deal with this loss while in the midst of all the other suffering and while far from family.

-Please pray too for our worship service tomorrow; for the men that are leading; for Josh's physical and emotional well-being as he says a few words.

Newest updates...

2009-07-02T22:26:00.001-04:00

Julie Marcum updated her blog with the most recent info...

We got home from the funerals about an hour ago after a long day of hospital visits, memorial services and graveside services. I wanted to update everyone on the new conditions of all our members...

Josh was released about midday. He is moving very slowly and in quite a bit of pain still, but was insistent about being released so he could attend the funeral services. It took a toll on him, emotionally and physically, but he is resting now with his medication and has no plans to go anywhere for a couple days. Riding in the car on bumpy roads is just too painful! He was able to speak at the graveside services and the memorial service, and although it was hard, I know the families greatly appreciated his effort and presence there.

Bruno Vargas had surgery this morning on his broken collar bone and it went well. He might also have to have some minor surgery on some ligaments in his foot.

Alejandra Moscoso was released from the hospital today. Praise God for her recovery!

Freddy Vargas was to have surgery on his arm tonight at 7pm to set the bone.

Jonathan Sandoval is scheduled for surgery on the compressed disk in his back tomorrow at 2pm. Thankfully, due to the location of the disc, this will be a low risk surgery. They will insert a couple plates to expand the disk back to its proper size.

Rebeca Chavez is out of intensive care! The surgery on her femur went very well, and was less invasive than they thought initially. Instead of having a plate and screws put in, she only had to have some pins. It seems that the other surgeries are unnessecary at this time. Praise God for answered prayers.

Miguel Vargas continues in intensive care in a coma, but is still showing positive signs.

There was huge show of support at the memorial and graveside service today. It was a difficult time for the familes and friends of these girls and for those who were on the bus with them (Bruno Pol, Joshua, and Rachel were all in attendance). The Vargas family buried 2 grandaughters/cousins/nieces while Miguel continues in critial condition. Please pray for Miguel's other 2 children, Abril and Diego, who lost their mom a few years ago and now have lost their older sister while their father is in the hospital. Your prayers for all involved would be appreciated.

Tragedy in Cochabamba

2009-07-02T10:50:00.006-04:00

I know that many of our friends and family have been made aware of the tragedy that occured with the youth group in Cochabamba. Julie Marcum updated their family blog ( http://jjmarcum22.blogspot.com/ ) with the most recent updates so I would encourage you to go and read the most thorough details I have of yet... Please continue to pray and know also that we've set up a blog to keep people updated and allow people to help as they feel called ( http://cochabambayouthgroup.blogspot.com/ ). Thank you so much for your prayer and support during this time. Please continue to pray for Gary and I as we explore our options of changing tickets to go home early as a family, or send Gary back early by himself.

Re-entry :)

2009-06-23T01:57:00.006-04:00

No, this post won't be about our cultural re-entry, although those posts will come soon enough :) this post is my official re-entry into blogland. I think I've been avoiding this place since I'm so so so behind, but I'm not going to let that deter me... I'm not going to attempt to cover the lost ground... but I'm going to pick up from today going forward and see where that leads us :)

Today finds us stateside on furlough, in Perryville, AR visiting Gary's family. As my husband was getting in some good late night fishing with his brother, I was here at his mother's house bathing our stinky boys :) Mind you our boys are finding new aspects of their relationship as brothers daily, but for this moment in time my heart was absolutely overwhelmed as I walked back into the bathroom to find this...

What you have to know is that this sweet moment was initiated by my usually tackling, squashing or sitting on big brother youngest child Grant... these are the moments you savor, the ones you store up in your heart as you dream of these two little men growing up together to be men who will love each other as brothers and lead our family in the way God guides them... I can't wait to see it unfold :)

Wuv, twue wuv...

2009-05-03T21:19:00.002-04:00

One of the blessings of being on a team of missionaries is watching our children grow up together. This morning was no exception... as we sat in the car on the way to lunch I heard Nathan say to Jubilee, "Juji, I love you." to which Jubilee replied, "Okay, do you want to marry me?" It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, but their sweet little sentiments were no laughing matter to them :) Thank goodness we've got a few years before we have to think about marrying off either one of them!

(And by the way, speaking of children, we're working on our third :) thus the silence on the blog. I'm always an awful blogger my first trimester... so let the 13 week mark come next week and the blogging resume :) Hope to see so many of you soon as we leave Tuesday to come back home on furlough... Please be praying over our travel, that they boys will be amazing, and that everyone who is seated around us on our flights, our flight attendants, airline employees, and immigration employees will all be kid friendly. This we've learned makes all the difference in the world!)

My new fashion icon...

2009-04-06T20:02:00.002-04:00

Nathan's on spring break this week since his new school is on a North American calendar. So we decided to celebrate the start of spring break by going to the movies. Nathan apparently has a future in weather casting as you can see that he decided to wear his boots too the movie theater in case of flash flooding... what a mess this son of mine :)

Sense of humor...

2009-03-18T13:12:00.006-04:00

Disclaimer... since comments have been coming in as to the picture below... just know as you read that I as a mother would NEVER post pictures of my child eating poop. Now that I've got you hooked... read on in peace :)

So as you can see below, Gary and I had a wonderful getaway a few weeks ago... but ever since our return I feel like it's been one thing after another... sick kids, change in schedules, more sick kids, moody mommy, apartment building without water, and more sick kids. Now normally this would throw me over the edge, an emotional vomitting session would ensue and it would be downhill from there. While there have been moments of teetering (on the edge of craziness :) I realized in the midst of the nutzoness that I have matured at least a little bit because after the events of this morning I could still laugh (a sign of maturity or insanity I'm not sure... but I'm gonna go with maturity :) Allow me to share...

About 6:30 Grant decided it was time to start his day (which by the way is much earlier than usual, this sick kid stuff is for the birds!). I went in, gave him his milk and snoogled him while he drank. We then moved to the playroom where we started our morning counting numbers with Baby Einstein (thank you thank you producers of this wonderful thing that is Baby Einstein and our friends Thomas and Will who sent us a new one!). I changed his diaper in the playroom (we have stashes of diaper changing supplies all over the house) and left him for 30 seconds TOPS to air out (meaning without diaper). I then went to the kitchen to dispose of said diaper and fill the sink for my morning load of dish washing (after washing my hands of course)... return to the playroom to find (yep, you guessed it) poop. Not just on the floor (thank goodness we have a rug over the carpet), not just on the toy he was playing with (don't tell Nathan it was his magna doodle), but of course... all over him. Because seriously, who doesn't love to smear their own poop all over themselves I ask you? :)

After the poop incident got cleaned up and put in the past, I was working back in the office for a few minutes. I head up to the front of the apartment to check on the boys (boys b/c now Nathan is awake to add to the craziness of the Bull boys) and I find this sweet dirt face... NOT poop face!

Yeah, that's dirt. Apparently Grant thought a great conclusion to his breakfast would be the potted plant up front. So so so gross. And as if I didn't know that, my little three year old commentator came out of the playroom with his own... EEEEWWWWWW, GROOOOOOOSS! Yeah, thanks Nathan, we got it :) But amidst cleaning off my baby for the umpteenth time this morning, I actually laughed and smiled... oh the adventures of little boys! Anybody want mine? :)

Uyuni and the salt flats

2009-03-11T12:47:00.011-04:00

One of the perks to being an overseas missionary is the living abroad part. Gary and I haven't been able to travel as much as I think we would like to, since little ones in tow tends to cut down on the fun factor of travel. But last week we were blessed to have Trish offer to watch the kids at night so that we could head out just us... sorry, I was trying to remember the last time that happened :) It was hard since it was my first overnight away from Grant, but the boys did great and it was so worth it in the long run. We took a bus and a train to a little town called Uyuni in the South part of Bolivia and enjoyed a few days away marveling at one of God's most splendid creations. He really is creative that God of ours! Hope you enjoy our pictures... and if you ever have the chance... GO! It's so amazing!

The sun was amazingly bright! We got to see the process of producing the salt.

Llamas and some random animal made of salt.

This museum is made of salt... all the way down to the bricks... look closely.

At the edge of the salt flats because of the rain there was a beautiful reflection on the salt flats. (The mounds are mounds of salt that they scoop up to allow it to dry out before hauling it off for production.)

Our travel buddies the Washingtons! If you have to travel by bus and plane, they're the ones to do it with for sure :)

There is a hotel (out of service) that is on the salt flats and out back there is this sign... I know, crazy huh? Leave it to our husbands to see a photo op in the situation :)
In the middle of the salt flats is an island made of coral and 1000 year old cacti... it's amazing and from there you get a view of the dry part of the salt flats.

When you hike the island and get to the top there is a designated place to leave "sacrifices" to Pachamama (or Mother Earth). It's amazing what we find on a daily basis that shows us how much people here and everywhere need the Lord.

The dry salt flats. There is an amazing pattern of hexagons and pentagons that forms when the salt is dry... our God is such a creative Creator.

And the ever famous optical illusion photos :)

At the end of the tour you head back into town and drive past the train cemetery... allow me honor of translating :)

Roughly translated: "Such is life... This train needs a mechanic with experience... URGENT!"

"Please don't paint."

Hope you enjoyed your tour :) If you get the hankerin' come on day, we'll go back again!

Can you say bedhead?

2009-03-11T12:43:00.006-04:00

Tell me, seriously, do you need any explanation? :)

(the face we get when big brother won't share:)

Birthday Boy!

2009-03-11T12:05:00.010-04:00

Have I mentioned that I am the proud mother of a one year old? I am :) I now understand what mothers mean when they say the love each of their children equally, just differently. Grant has touched a part of my heart that I think was before uninhabited and by being his mommy it has flourished and bloomed. He is a joy and I cannot wait to watch him grow into the toddler, little boy, teenager, and man he will be one day. Rather than go on and on about all the things he can do I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures of our sweet hair-challenged youngest and his birthday party :)

Each Mommy made two cakes for her birthday boy/girl.

The birthday boy in all his chunky glory :)

Nathan and his favorite part of the party... bottle coke :)

We decided it would be a great memory to have friends write wishes and messages of hope to our babies so that they would always have something special from the place and the people from where they were born. I know we will treasure it always!

Playing pass the present... Josh and Julie did a great job with the games!

Musical chairs... easily translated :)
My sweet friend Angie and her kids came to celebrate with us!

Jeff praying a birthday blessing over our kiddos.

Everyone watching a great slide show video that Gary put together.

Jenny and Sonia (my two right hand women... what blessings they are to me and to my sons!)

Something so sweet...

2009-02-28T15:20:00.002-04:00

Yesterday some of my friends and I were blessed to honor Titus. Who's Titus you ask? Well we haven't met him yet, but we're awfully fond of his mommy Beth, and can't wait to meet Titus in just a few short weeks. He's supposed to meet his mommy and daddy face to face in about 5 weeks and I know after months of pregnancy his mommy is so ready :) Grant got to go to the shower with me (which I'm sure he was just "thrilled" about) and while we were there he played with all my friends. There is something so sweet about watching my friends and family love on my son! Thank you girls for showing Grant what it means to be loved on :)

Left to his own this is what happens...

2009-02-26T16:44:00.004-04:00

So alot has happened in our lives' since I last posted... Grant turned one (a post all on its own), the stomach flu making its way through our entire team (don't worry, this won't get its own post :), a kind of emotional funk for the mommy which we're working to move past, trip planning for Gary and I to Uyuni (thanks to the Sandoval's who are graciously going to watch our kiddos), and stateside visitors. But since all of those topics require thought and actual composition to post about I thought I'd share with you my laugh for the day :) Nathan got some really fun new band-aids from his Nena and Papa that came down with our visitors the Bowen's and this afternoon after a quiet ten minutes or so (I know, I know, I shoulda known) this is what I found...

I love this last picture... it's almost as if he's saying to me... well Mom, what did you think would happen if you left them out in the floor? :) Gotta love these little boys... they keep it interesting, that's for sure :)

Happy smiling children:)

2009-01-28T16:17:00.001-04:00

I ask you... have you ever seen four kids more excited to be a part of a new team picture? :)

Outnumbered :)

2009-01-21T20:39:00.003-04:00

This is what happens when my Mommy forgets my cool little boy bib for lunch and I'm surrounded by a team full of little girls :) Just don't tell my Daddy... and please don't tell him about the baby dolls either!

2009

2009-01-19T09:38:00.003-04:00

We know we've been MIA for the past month and for that we're sorry... but we wanted to say we're here, we had a wonderful holiday season and we'll be back more regularly... we promise! Until then... Happy 2009 and God bless you and your family!

Big boys...

2008-12-27T11:24:00.003-04:00

How time flies! I went to the market this morning carrying Grant in the wrap and the ladies that I usually buy from were shocked at how big he has gotten. I haven't been to the Saturday market in months and months. They remember a seriously pregnant gringa with a crazy two year old running circles around her :) And now that crazy two year old is three, staying at home with Daddy while Mommy does the shopping and the little one I carried within I now carry (and can I just say what a lug he is? :) on my hip. I was looking over our recent pictures of the boys and was reminded of just how big they are getting. Nathan got a big boy bike for Christmas and took it out for a spin yesterday with his daddy, and last night the boys took their first bath together. I'm so thankful they're close in age and will grow up together, for better or worse :) I'm trying to remember and better learn the art of appreciating and enjoying every stage of my little ones lives' (something I struggle with daily... remembering that the diapers, bottles and babyness will pass all too fast leaving big boys in its place). So for now I will be thankful for baby snuggles, baby fat rolls :) and baby jibber jabber, knowing that they make up for the yuckies of babyland that I am ready to leave behind.

How cool is this place? The big park in town is divided into two sides... one for playgrounds and one for bikes. The bike side is what you see Nathan riding in, fully equipped with traffic lights (although they don't obey them in the street with cars so why should they obey them on bikes :) and traffic markers. He had SO much fun with his Daddy (and I had so much fun knowing that he's at the age now where he can go and do with his daddy all by himself :).

Christmas Photo Shoot...

2008-12-24T22:25:00.008-04:00

Well, before the Christmas craziness began tonight we attempted to capture a few pictures of the boys and here's what we got :) We pray that you and your families have a wonderful Christmas and holiday season. May God bless you with wonderful moments, precious memories, and the blessing of those you love around you. Merry Christmas from the Bulls!

It's officially Christmas...

2008-12-19T21:16:00.003-04:00

Christmas can officially begin because there's now enough homemade caramel corn on my kitchen counter to feed a small army :) Today was a baking frenzy... two loaves of pumpkin bread, over 80 no-bakes, three dozen lemon bars, and well, you can see how much popcorn :) I love the holidays, such a wonderful opportunity, oh alright... excuse to bake up a storm! Hope you are having fun enjoying the holidays wherever you are! Merry Christmas!

And because what good is a post without pictures of one of my precious boys :) Now tell me who does this first one remind you of?

Couldn't be his big brother could it? What is it with my boys and closed eyes?

And just because he looks so precious :) This is definitely his happy place... eating :)

Squints...

2008-12-17T20:27:00.003-04:00

Here in the Bull house we like to teach 'em young the art of the red eye reduction squint :)

Fun was had by ALL!

2008-12-11T23:17:00.006-04:00

Here in Cochabamba one of the things I miss most from our lives' in the states is the opportunity for interesting and fun activities for our kids. There's no children's museum, no children's theater, and though there is a zoo in Santa Cruz it's basically birds and crazy monkeys. So when fun things come to town we try to take advantage. This Monday I ran across two of our good American friends the Holmans. They told that the Backyardigans were coming to the coliseum here in town. This Thursday in fact. I called Gary and asked if he thought it would be a good idea and after a thumbs-up from daddy, it was a go. So today found us here...

and here...Nathan's faces ranged from... shocked...

to guilty (for mooching potato chips from a sweet lady behind us)...

to irritated... seriously stop with the pictures you guys... I'm trying to enjoy the show :)

to absolute glee...

I had more fun just watching the sheer joy on my precious little one's face as he yelled out for Tasha, Tyrone, Pablo, and the rest of his Backyardigan friends! It was worth the mounds of detergent (you had to buy two bags of detergent per ticket) and extra fees to watch him excited beyond words! Thank you Grannie Wallace and Grannie Sterne for the Christmas money that allowed us to all go! Nathan loved it and we really appreciate you both! Thanks Holmans for the heads up, ride to the show, and for bringing Nathan four of the sweetest dates he'll ever have :)

And just because I'm curious... could someone tell me why my child always seems to look so goofy in family photo shoots? We're seriously going to have to work on this :)

They think they're sooooo funny!

2008-12-07T22:55:00.003-04:00

Today I told Nathan to go put some underwear on (again, running around in his birthday suit!)… when he came in wearing it on his head I realized I should have been a little more specific about where to put them :) He of course thought it was hysterical and laughed and laughed at himself... it's so much fun when they start learning how to play with humor :) I can only imagine the fun we have in store with two little boys running around the house together... oh the adventure... maybe I should start asking for prayers now :)

Oh and while we're on the topic of underwear... can I tell you how hard it is to discipline a child who's curled up in a ball on the floor, back (and backside) facing you? Through the wails and gnashing of teeth (on the part of the child, not you the parent :) you look down to see Mater smiling at you (screen printed across the backside of your sweet little boys undies). Oh my goodness, I couldn't hold it together. Sometimes you just have to laugh :)

Call it a day...

2008-12-03T19:32:00.002-04:00

So I think after a crib (including the bumper pads) covered in pukies, a booster seat (including the seat it was strapped to) covered in poopies, an ATM out of service (which in this cash only culture makes life an adventure), a pair of 2T/3T tightie whities hanging from my new angel tree topper, and a thirty minute power outage that almost resulted in a meltdown from Nathan who couldn't watch his new Winnie the Pooh Christmas movie (a tradition for we have to watch a new movie on nights that Daddy's not home) and I think it's about time to call it a day... whatcha think?

Owwwies...

2008-12-03T11:37:00.003-04:00

Yesterday Grant and I went to run errands... it's amazing how walking the streets can distract a 9 month old from the teething process! Nathan stayed home with his daddy to take a nap and when I got home I found band-aid wrappers covering the living room floor. I asked Gary what exactly happened while I was gone :) He then proceeded to tell me that because of the blister he has on his pinky toe, Nathan decided it was time to try out his doctoring skills.

Now the extent of Nathan's medical experiences here at the house is for scratches and owwwies (Okay, okay, there was the time we super glued his chin... but there was just the one time!). The "making it better" usually involves alcohol/hydrogen peroxide, neosporin, and a band-aid. It seems that Nathan decided to spare his daddy the pain of alcohol and went straight to the neosporin. Only (as we learned yesterday) in his 3 year old brain any tube of cream is neosporin. So as he approached daddy's foot with Lanacane Gary got a really good laugh :) Then Nathan showed off his fine motor skills by unwrapping and applying the band-aid to daddy's toe (only apparently Gary hadn't been behaving well because he got a boring band-aid... no Dora, Diego, or Curious George for Daddy).

Fast forward to this morning... I'm coming out of Grant's room from putting him down for a nap when Nathan comes running at me with Quincy (his little Einstein). And this is what I see...

It appears that Quincy had quite the accident and so again, Dr. Nathan to the rescue :) (can you see the Lanacane on Quincy's forehead?... Maybe in honor of Ralphie he had an adventure with his own Red Rider BB Gun... he could've shot his eye out!)

My three year old tree decorator...

2008-11-29T23:56:00.003-04:00

So here's what happens when you leave your three-year-old in charge of the beads on the Christmas tree :) He definitely gets this from his daddy (Sorry the picture's a little fuzzy, but you get the idea, right?)
Here he is modeling his work of art... and his big boy underwear... that's right, Nathan's day-time potty-trained! Yea for no more diapers except at night! He did it all on his own, when he got good and ready, and I'm so thankful that I waited on him... it made all the difference in the world!

And because Grant's been getting alot of face time... here's another shot of my first born practicing his scissor skills. He's having so much fun and really getting good at cutting different shapes. We've made it an after brother goes to bed activity for just he and I and that's made it a special time that he really loves... and it keeps the vacuuming up teeny tiny pieces of paper to a minimum :)

Christmas here I come :)

2008-11-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

Yesterday found me pulling down all my boxes of Christmas decorations... I know, I know, it's not Thanksgiving yet. But you see here in Cochabamba I don't have the benefit (and yes I do mean benefit) of the holiday advertising, Christmas music on the radio or in stores, and the cooling temperatures to help me get into the holiday spirit. So yes, I'll confess I pulled out the Christmas CD's over a month ago. I know to some people it's an unforgiveable offense, but you know, you do what 'ya gotta do to make it when you're far from home over the holidays.

In listening to my beloved Christmas music I was reminded of a long ago miscommunication between myself and Karen Carpenter. I grew up on the Carpenter's Christmas album and am a better person for it :) But as a little girl I remember being very confused with the lyrics, "And so I'm offering this Christmas wish, to kiss from 1 to 92." Did that mean that you were supposed to kiss someone 92 times... Did it mean you should kiss for a count of 1 to 92... this perplexed me for years, until one day the comic strip "ah-ha" light bulb went off above my head as I realized it was "to kids from 1 to 92". Oh the fun there is to be had in the confusion of communication :) Tomorrow I'd love to share some thoughts with you on our holidays this year... tonight my brain's so tired you just get the kissing story... until tomorrow when my lucid thoughts return... here's to kissing from 1 to 92 :)

Gotta love these boys :)

2008-11-17T10:00:00.011-04:00

Don't you love those moments where your kids say something and for lack of perfectly mastering the English language at three years old :) it just makes you laugh? In our apartment, wooden floors and a hallway the length of the apartment make sliding in sock feet super-duper fun. So the other day I heard a serious bust from the kitchen... I walked into the hallway to watch Nathan stand up, brush himself off, and say... "Nathan's so slippery". Not... the floor's so slippery. Not... my socks are so slippery. No... Nathan's so slippery :) I love the way his little brain works. And although he's pushing his limits to the max right now, he's become more affectionate and sweet than ever and for that I'm so thankful! The hugs, kisses, and I love you's keep me going through the whining and time-outs.

Grant is growing and changing so fast. It seems to be going so much faster with him than it did with Nathan. Granted, we were up to our ears in culture shock with Nathan and so every day seemed like a year, but with Grant it seems to be flying by. He's crawling around and getting into everything which makes me realize even better the differences between a three year old and an almost nine month old. The other day while in his walker he decided it would be a great idea to pull the banana basket into the walker with him and see what the peel of a banana tastes like... not sure he's a fan :) And for your viewing enjoyment... some still shots of him crawling toward me in the kitchen... So that's our Nathan/Grant update for the week... thanks for tuning and I promise to write something of more substance the next time I'm here :)

I'm thinking the stuff inside the peeling has to taste better than this :)
And just in case you were worried that Grant wasn't getting enough to eat :)

Look at that sweet face :)
Here he comes!

You like that tongue action?

Just so you know... this is not as easy as it looks :)

Seriously Mom... too close with the flash!

I'm wondering... since I made it all the way over here...

why exactly are you not picking me up and holding me yet?

Mother letter...

2008-11-11T09:23:00.004-04:00

I recently stumbled across www.motherletter.blogspot.com (I'm not cool enough to know how to link it better than that :) and was intrigued with the commitment this family has to returning to what Christmas is really all about... I wrote a letter for this husband and invite any Mommies out there reading to do the same... It's a wonderful experience being able to write to a fellow mommy, and reminds you in so many ways the gift that we've been given to mother our little treasures... Here's a taste of the close of my letter...

There is a Godly reason that I was given these two particular boys to raise and love. They have made me a mommy, and in that, a different person in many ways. They have taught me the joys of the little things, the excitement in life itself, the gift of laughter so deep that it makes your tummy hurt, tickle wars so fierce you wonder when you’ll catch your breath, playing chase from one end of the house to the other, the fun in discovering toe jam and belly buttons, and dancing together until we're so dizzy we can't stand up. They have taught me that I am capable of things I never imagined. They have shown me in new ways my strengths and weaknesses as a woman, mommy, wife, and daughter of the King. I will forever be grateful for all that they've taught me about myself and about this life. And as my father always told us, I will love them more than my next breath

A fly on the wall...

2008-11-05T21:33:00.003-04:00

A friend from college recently encouraged people on her blog to sneak up on your children (especially if you have more than one) and listen to them interact every chance that you can... So tonight I stood in the hallway listening to Nathan and Grant and this is what I heard (understanding that Grant is now crawling around...) Nathan to Grant, "Come here brother, insert kissy noises that he used to call Lucy with, Come here brother..." So apparently for Nathan there's no real need for a puppy dog in the house when you have a crawling brother :)

Good night to all...

2008-11-04T11:32:00.003-04:00

Last night was a great night to be a Cochabambino. Aurora, one of the Cochabamba soccer teams, won the national championship! Yea Aurora! (although in the Bull house we don't have any particular team affiliations, we were excited that a Cochabamba team won!) So you can imagine the fireworks and car honking that went on into the wee hours of the morning... but it wasn't so annoying, knowing that they were being done in celebration of something great instead of in protest of something awful! Then about 10 o'clock we got a wonderful wonderful rain. I was sitting back on our bed working on some needlepoint and I heard the beautiful sound of steady rain. Cochabamba is not famous for it's rain... Usually in Cochabamba this time of year we just get 5 or 10 minute showers, but last night it was a long steady rain. So I fell asleep with our bedroom door cracked to the breeze and sound of fresh rain. Talk about a good night's sleep! This morning brought beautiful sunshine with clear skies... less smog and dust throughout the city thanks to the rain, fresh pastries at my favorite bakery (totally worth making the trip to Cochabamba just for this bakery... besides the fact that you'd be coming to see us :), errands run, and a currently napping baby, leaving me time to blog and start on lunch... now that's my kind of day :)

Come and eat...

2008-11-03T08:02:00.002-04:00

Here in Bolivia we don't celebrate fall festivals (since we're entering our summer season) or Halloween. But there are a few days here like the day of the dead and the day of the saints that are around the time of Halloween. The idea is that Bolivians celebrate the lives' of their deceased loved ones by visiting their graves. But it doesn't stop there. Food is carried to the graves and laid upon the ground near the headstone or marker, and left for the deceased loved one to come and eat. In the home a huge, and I do mean huge, meal is prepared in hopes that the souls or spirits of their loved ones' will return and partake.

Sonia and I got a good laugh the other day as she recounted a story of Nelson (her boyfriend) as a child. His grandmother had prepared the traditional feast for their deceased loved ones and left served plates at chairs around the table. Enter Nelson and his cousin. The two young boys are hungry and seeing the plate set with food decide it's time to eat :) A bite becomes a portion and a portion becomes a plate full and before you know it empty plates now sit where once full servings stood. Reenter grandmother. Nelson's grandmother is now under the impression that her departed loved ones have actually returned to this earth, somehow eaten the food she prepared and were pleased. Nelson and his cousin to this day have not told his grandmother of their feast. And she continues to think that this particular year, the food she prepared was pleasing to their relatives and that they ate and were satisfied :) As you encounter pagan rituals in culture and as you confront them and what they stand for... occasionally it helps to laugh at the darkness, reminding yourself that God is so much greater, so much wiser and everything else in comparison is simply silliness.

(Not that I treat the rituals of Bolivians as silliness, wow that would put up some walls fast... it's just that as we talk in our home among ourselves sometimes the things done here seem silly to us. It's always important though to remember that many of the things that we as Americans do seem silly to Bolivians. In remembering that you lose that sense of superiority and are reminded that we are all simply God's children and we have all taken on things of this world (whether good or bad) that to God must seem simply silly... can you think of any?)

They'll be comin' round the mountain :)

2008-10-29T11:40:00.007-04:00

This past weekend marked the second annual National Family Encampment for Bolivia. The church here in Cochabamba hosted and it went really well. Due to continued political unrest many from Santa Cruz and La Paz weren't able to come... but we did have two leaders from Santa Cruz and their wives', a great group from Sucre and a good turn out from the church here.

The encampment was held about 45 minutes outside of town at a retreat center and with the soccer field, swings, playground, pool and volleyball court, a good time was had by all :) (You can just imagine how Nathan was in heaven having Michaela and Jubilee right next door all weekend PLUS a huge playground to go crazy on... he was beside himself :) It is always such an encouragement to have the brothers and sisters from across Bolivia under one roof, having fellowship together, worshipping together, and getting to know each other better and better. It is so uplifting for the body of Christ and our spirits as individuals as well!

Roland Bowen and Grover Beakley came down from Brownwood, TX to be with us and we were so happy to have them here. These two men are very dear to our hearts in the Bull family and it's always such a treat to have them here to visit. Roland did a great job leading discussions throughout the weekend on the 5 love languages and how we can serve each other in the body of Christ. Grover (one of our precious elders from Austin Avenue C of C) came along for the ride and was such an encouragement to Gary and I and a great help with Grant and Nathan :) Grover's grandkids are older than our little ones, but you wouldn't have known it to watch him! He got right in there, rolled his sleeves up and played hard :) I think Roland is one of Nathan's favorite big-people playmates. Roland is always up for a trip to the playground, bookreading, or whatever else Nathan can think of to wear him out :) Thank you both for making the sacrifice to be here with us... and a special thank you to your wives and families for sacrificing as well!

I thought I'd leave you with some pictures of the fun times had... enjoy :)

Here they come!
Julie and Trish did a great job on the kids classes and crafts during the devotionals! This is Carla, or as we call her... Carlita, working hard.

Do you remember that fun that was had by all? Here's a picture of it :)

The faithful volleyball spectators.

We had a few birthdays over the weekend and in Bolivian tradition after the Happy Birthdays are sung the birthday boy or girl takes a big bite out of their cake... it's all fun and games folks until someone pushes your face into the cake as you take your bite... trust me, I've seen it happen :)

Roland Bowen sharing lessons on the five love languages.

Did I mention that Nathan had a great time?

Nathan on the slide... for those of you who know Nathan well, you know the adventure that Bolivian playgrounds can be to our ever graceful son as they are almost entirely made of concrete as you can see :)

Swinging with Grant... don't lose that thumb Grant!

So if you're sharing a room as a family for a weekend, it turns out you can learn to share :) although doesn't Nathan look just thrilled about it?

Oh my goodness, how beautiful are those Marcum girls I ask you?

Warning to Mommy...

2008-10-27T10:46:00.008-04:00

Dear Mommy,

I just wanted to warn you... When you make a deal with me that if I eat all my banana I can have a bite of brownie... and then I uphold my end of the bargain, but you forget to cut me said brownie... this is what will happen... every time :) Consider yourself warned...

Love, Nathan
PS - they were really yummy Mommy!

So difficult...

2008-10-20T21:56:00.003-04:00

What is it exactly about family photos that is so difficult? Is it keeping the shirts of your three year old and 8 month old clean, cracker and drool free? Is it pulling your husband away from the four conversations he's trying to have at the same time? Is it trying to get your 8 month old's thumb out of his mouth for two seconds? Or is it trying to capture those sweet smiles that you witness all day long as a mommy, but just can't seem to capture on film? Well, for us this past Sunday it was a little bit of it all...

Nathan says... Could you guys be any more boring?

And just to prove that Grant does smile, and stop sucking his thumb occasionally, here you go :)

A little cookie goes a long way...

2008-10-16T00:05:00.004-04:00

So I finally got around to watching Stranger than Fiction the other day (I know it's been out for awhile, but remember, I have two small children at home that do occasionally require attention). It was interesting for sure, and in the midst of watching it, I think I found my new favorite movie quote... although, "These mashed potatoes are so creamy" will always be a tough one to beat. I loved when the character Ana looks at Harold and in describing her decision to leave law school and take up baking says... "If I was gonna make the world a better place, I'd do it with cookies!" I think she and I could be very good friends :)

I love the impact that doing something small, but thoughtful like making cookies can have. I've used the theory many a time here in Bolivia... whether it's to get in good with my new English students (who just happen to be Nathan's teachers at his preschool), minister to someone in the church who's down, or ask forgiveness of the customs official I yelled at over a package (not one of my proudest moments that's for sure!) a good cookie (no-bakes are the sure fire hit with the Cochabambinos) does wonders to overcome cultural barriers, and human blunders :)

Grant, Grant, and more Grant :)

2008-10-14T20:28:00.004-04:00

Hello blog world... it's Grant. This is my first official post and I'm super duper excited! I know that Mommy has written about me before and has shared pictures of me with you all, but I thought it was time I spoke for myself. Mommy decided to try and take a few new pictures of me tonight since I'm sitting up byself like a champ (not that I'm bragging or anything :) but since I love my thumb as much as I do... it was a little hard for her to catch me in a good pose... I'm pretty sneaky like that :) So for your viewing pleasure, here was our photo shoot from tonight... all my many faces, serious, silly, and otherwise :) Until next time... Grant.

Here... it... comes...
And... in... the... mouth... :)
Here I was watching Daddy come in the room... he's one of my all time favorite people right now!

Making silly faces back at Daddy while he was trying to make me smile :)

He's still trying to make me smile :)

Silly Daddy, you have to work harder than that :)

Did I mention I really like my thumb? :)

The only picture I gave Mommy straight on, no thumb :) Did Mommy tell you how big I'm getting? I'm weighing in at over 20 pounds already. My Mommy says it's 20 pounds of cuddle bug :)

These are a few of my favorite things...

2008-10-12T16:22:00.005-04:00

So one thing you learn on the mission field is there are many many things that you can learn to live without. You learn to improvise, splurge insanely while home on furlough, or simply dream of the things you miss (I literally smelled my Dad's chocolate chip cookies in a dream the other night :) imagine my disappoint when I awoke...) But occasionally on your trip to the Americanized supermarket you will find treasures that will grace the shelves of your pantry for a rainy day and until then, bring smile, upon smile, upon smile to your face :) Here are a few of mine...

This is the first time in almost three years that I have found blueberry muffins... I know, so great right?!! The thing about blueberry muffins is they are one of my favorites... and even though I've gotten pretty handy in the kitchen making things from scratch, there are no fresh, nor canned blueberries to be had in Bolivia. So this was super fun to find... as were the chocolate chip muffins, you can't go wrong with real chocolate chips.

And in our three years here I have not once seen dryer sheets. Most Bolivians wash by hand and line dry, so if they use some type of softener it's a liquid softener rinsed in after the wash. You cannot even imagine the elation (I know it sounds dramatic, but it's not!) that I had in finding dryer sheets! I stood in the aisle for who knows how long just smelling the box! I know that the people around me probably thought I belonged on the street outside with the local glue sniffers, but I didn't care :) You never really realize the power in that little bitty dryer sheet until you go without them for years. I've found some great liquid softeners here, but they're just not the same!

And who can pass up some real name brand Ziplocs I ask you? Not many missionaries I dare say... and gallon size at that! Thanks for indulging me in my recounting of the favorite things now tucked away safely in my pantry :) (oh, and did I mention the marshmallow creme and Goldfish? It was a good week in the Bull house :)

Growing like a weed...

2008-09-29T14:06:00.005-04:00

So this past week found me putting away all the under 12 month clothes and taking out all the 12-18 month clothes. It was a fun adventure, remembering when Nathan had worn a particular shirt, or a certain picture in which he was wearing this or that... and for those of you who might be thinking... surely I'm not confused, Grant's not close to his first birthday is he? No, no, you're right, he just hit the 7-month mark and is eating us out of house and home :) He's such a sweet baby, but such a chunk! In these pictures, Nathan is one year old and Grant is 7 months old... yeah, you're seeing right, it's the same shirt!

And just as a side note, I've found that one really comforting thing in the midst of craziness in life here (political turmoil, a husband with stomach crud again, church potluck, teething baby...) is a good dessert from home :) but since chocolate makes Grant a little crazy it limits the options a little. So when the going got tough this weekend, the tough got cooking. For my first Lemon Icebox pie (crust and everything from scratch) I was pretty proud... and it was delicious if I do say so myself (but Gary said so too :) My mom would be so proud!

Here's the deal...

2008-09-27T15:35:00.005-04:00

Okay, so here's the deal. I've been trying to figure out why and how my anxiety about the current situation in Bolivia is different than my anxiety was in 2007 when we had such political turmoil here in our own streets of Cochabamba. And I think I've figured it out...

In 2007, as we were preparing for the church's inaugural weekend and juggling only one child and living in a house far removed from downtown, I was more scared anxious. I was worried about our food supplies, Gary was worried that things would happen on the bridges, separating us from the things and people that we needed downtown (the church, the office, and our teammates), and I was worried for our safety.

In 2007 I was still pretty fresh on the field. We had been on our own in Bolivia for almost a year and I still was at the point that I would have jumped at the opportunity to board a plane for home (at which time for me was the states). But you see this time around I think I'm upset anxious (a little mixture of mad and sad). And the difference is that I don't want to board any planes headed anywhere but here.

The difference between January 2007 and now? This is my home... my life is here. I'm not worried about food supply. We're stocked on canned foods, have a billion little stores surrounding our apartment and we'll make do with what we have. I'm not worried about our safety, especially since the violence and political tension for now is isolated to other parts of the country and our streets appear as they always do. I'm not worried about getting separated from teammates (who live only 6-7 blocks from us), the church (located only 7 blocks from us) or the office (located only 5-6 blocks from us).

What worries me now is that a situation, or the government, will put us in a position in which we have to leave. This city, this apartment is our home. I love this apartment, from the moment we stepped foot inside it just felt like home. I love our building, it's location, it's safety, and it's privacy. I love downtown. We're not normally downtown kind of people, but for the lifestyle that South America provides, the conveniences of living downtown far far far outweigh the inconveniences. I love our life here, the way we're able to really focus on what's important to us and make ministry our full-time jobs!

I've gotten to a great place in our life here, and now I feel as if it's being threatened. So this time around I'm just upset that our way of life here could be taken away in the blink of an eye, upset about all that we could possibly have to leave behind (meaning our brothers and sisters here, the church work, and our friends... not our possessions). So for now all is calm in Cochabamba. Nothing has been truly resolved politically, but things have calmed down. There's no current threat of us having to hop a jet plane anytime soon, but we have a plan if we need it. For now, I'm praying and pleading with God to intervene in the situation here, to work as only He can to make things right for the people of Bolivia, and that in that, we'll be able to stay and finish what He brought us here to do.

Enough is Enough...

2008-09-21T20:58:00.004-04:00

I never thought that I would have to ask myself the question when does enough is enough actually happen? I know so many of you have been following the turmoil here in Bolivia. I also know that it must be hard for you to imagine yourself in the situation in which we find ourselves. I never thought I would sit on my bed with my husband having the conversation about if we have enough food to make it through a few weeks if we need to... do we know where all our documents and important papers are located in the apartment... how much are we willing to endure before we decide it's time to try and travel for awhile... do we know what things are truly necessary for us and the boys if we have to pack quickly... do we have enough funds on hand to get us through if ATMs and credit cards stop working here in the country? They are hard questions to ask, even harder to answer. Please pray for us as we make these important decisions, decisions that not only affect our family, but our teammates and our brothers and sisters in Christ here in Cochabamba.

My tribute to Nathan...

2008-09-13T15:52:00.005-04:00

My dear sweet firstborn,

Today you turn three years old. I can hardly believe that it was just three years ago that your daddy and I were at the hospital waiting for your arrival, and just like your mommy you were fashionably late :) I had no idea how this day would completely change my life. You have made me a mommy, and in that, a different person in many ways. You have taught me the joys of the little things, the excitement in life, the gift of laughter, tickle wars, playing chase in the house, and dancing together until we're so dizzy we can't stand up straight. You have taught me that I am capable of things I never imagined. You have shown me in new ways my strengths and weaknesses as a woman, mommy, wife, and daughter of the King. You will forever have such a special place in my heart as my first son and I will always be grateful for all that you've taught me about myself and about this life. I love you Nathan, more than my next breath!

Love,

Mama

Bolivia Update...

2008-09-13T08:42:00.003-04:00

I know that many of our family, friends, and supporters have been hearing news of the political unrest in Bolivia. As of yet things are fairly peaceful here in Cochabamba, but we will see what the next days and weeks bring. I wanted to post a video from CNN that I thought did a fairly good job of describing in a nutshell what's going on in other regions in Bolivia. Please be praying for this country, our church here, our families and our friends.

A little advice please...

2008-09-07T14:46:00.003-04:00

Could someone please tell me how to explain to my almost three-year old the idea of weighing the cost?

You see Gary and I, as adults, made the decision to follow God's calling and move our lives to Bolivia. We knew there would be hard times, sacrifices to be made, but we also knew that the blessing of being a part of full-time ministry would be worth the cost. I have no idea how to even begin to explain this to Nathan.

The whole idea of weighing the cost surfaced the other day through a miscommunication between Nathan and I. I asked if he would like to go to the post office with me to pick up a package from Nena and Papa. In the words I communicated, all my precious son's ears heard were Papa. So off we went, in my mind to the post office, in Nathan's mind, to Papa. After we got our package filled with goodies from home, we loaded back up in a taxi to return to our apartment here. It was at this moment that Nathan realized a trip to Papa's house was not on the day's agenda. The tears began, the pleas for Papa, Nena and Do-Do were without end and I was without words.

How do I explain to him the miles between us and our families? How do I tell him that we can't go on the airplane everyday to see Papa? How do I make him understand that it will be another year before we do again? Gary and I know without doubt that we've made the right decision in being here, despite the fact that there are many things, and people, that we've had to leave behind. But how, oh how, do I help Nathan understand that the work we do here in Cochabamba will make a difference for eternity in a way that will make all our temporary heartaches worth it? And how do I help him understand when, even though I am truly truly happy and at peace with our lives here, there is a piece of my heart within me that wants to shed a tear too... as I hold him tight and say, I know sweetheart, I want to see them too.

The view from here...

2008-08-21T11:08:00.004-04:00

Have you had those moments where you sit back and take stock of your life and realize by the grace of God you are in a really good place? I pray that you have had many moments like that... I myself am in one now.

I sat with Nathan playing trains last night, listening to the sweet sleepy sounds of Grant realizing I am in a really good place. Not only with the things around me in my life but the things within. I am always thankful when the externals in my life are at peace: when my boys are healthy, when Gary and I are in sync, when the work here is going well, when life in Cochabamba is conflict free (for the most part), and when our families back home are doing well. Those are always welcome blessings in my life. But I think just as important, no, more important is when I find myself at peace, in a good place.

Something happened when Grant was born... something I don't know that I will ever be able to explain in words. But there was a shift within this woman and I feel more at peace with who I am, what I've been made to be, and what I've been given the opportunity to do in this life than I think I ever have before.

It's that sitting in the porch swing on an autumn evening, leaves rustling and swirling, the perfect cup of hot tea warming your hands and your favorite book in your lap kind of good place. That kind that brings that almost silly smile to your face for no reason, that causes you to greet every person you meet walking down the street, that makes you hug your kids just a little bit longer and a little bit harder, that makes you kiss your baby in that really sweet soft spot right behind his little ears, and that makes you play tickle wars with your toddler until he's laughed so hard he can hardly breathe.

It's a good place to be. I hope I stay here awhile... because the reality is that no matter what happens about me, if I can keep the peace of my Lord within... now that's a good place to be :)