tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-196820922024-03-19T00:03:04.475-04:00ALL things through HIM"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." Philippians 4:13, The Message. We are the Bull Family and whether in living, working, evangelizing, or raising our family... we are trusting, believing and claiming the promise that we can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens us and makes us who we are!Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00556739312952167443noreply@blogger.comBlogger304125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-85347622679928238282012-07-02T01:28:00.003-04:002012-07-02T01:28:43.968-04:00Have you ever had dear friends? A group of friends with which you can share just about anything? They know your secrets, your struggles, your chocolate addictions, and your need to sneak out to late night movies to feel like a normal human being again without three little people hanging on your hems... They know the struggles of living in a place that feels so much like home but is so far from the place you call home by name... They were there at the moments you knew that life was growing inside you, felt the first movements your children made in the womb, indulged crazy cravings, were there in the first hours of your new one's life, and fed your family and your nursing body in those first days as a new family... They shared their children with you, their stories, their imported coffee, their ministry ideas, their dreams and their visions... They opened their hearts knowing that your friendship was a safe place to share it... They traveled away at times, as did you, but when you came back together, it was just as it was before, just as it should be... They were so different from you, you looked, acted, and sometimes even believed such different things, but you sharpened each other, grew each other in wisdom and appreciated all that you brought to the relationship because of the differences you shared... I had that, and was blessed beyond measure by the hearts of some amazing women! I'm still searching for that on this side of the equator... I thought in my heart of hearts that I could hold on to what was... maintain that intimacy no matter the miles. And while I know that if I stepped off a plane tomorrow I would find beautiful faces to meet me, I also know that life has gone on... their's and mine. So I'm learning to come to peace with the idea of being grateful for what was, and knowing that in those years of friendship plenty, God showered me with such love, such kindness, and such grace in the hearts of my amazing friends that I will forever be grateful and blessed for the memories of wonderful years and for the lessons that I take with me on my journey...<br />
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(Sometimes it still hurts so to know that the life you left is slipping farther and farther away... tonight is one of those nights... Thank you Father for the bounty that you bestowed upon me, help me to always remember with gratitude and not disappointment).laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-53029432867161961142012-02-22T02:18:00.005-04:002012-02-22T02:41:51.985-04:00My amazing Grant :)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNts_sivgF1yZG1UlvKW_ZNagS00QAODBtFhb_Q3mKnAcsHjAkxc8GSW_bUz3cdAbmH2QuAiHYO8ujxNitWi8x6UVYJqWyREN193zl_QiNEUDnFy0xdra491dWR07LyoR2ODWZQ/s1600/IMG_3529.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNts_sivgF1yZG1UlvKW_ZNagS00QAODBtFhb_Q3mKnAcsHjAkxc8GSW_bUz3cdAbmH2QuAiHYO8ujxNitWi8x6UVYJqWyREN193zl_QiNEUDnFy0xdra491dWR07LyoR2ODWZQ/s320/IMG_3529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711842241401732642" border="0" /></a>Four years ago tonight you, my dearest second born, came into our lives and we've never been the same. You Grant Thomas, were the opening to the flood gates of my heart, the one who taught me what it was like to bond at birth with my children, to love you gently and fiercely all at the same time, and to receive that love back from you :) <br /><br />Tonight my dear one you turned four, and I'm amazed more and more everyday by you and who you're growing up to be. I'm amazed that it's actually been four years since I walked through the door of our apartment on Calle Venezuela with you tucked in my arms... amazed at how well you slept and how happy you were (and still are :)... amazed at how you taught me what it meant to have a good eater in our house... amazed at how much laughter you bring into our home :)... amazed at how you taught me what true and genuine mama love is... amazed at how you've grown into such a strong and yet tender little boy... amazed at how gentle you <span style="font-style: italic;">can</span> be (not that you always are :)... amazed at how you keep Nathan humble :)... amazed at how you've grown into your role as Joshua's big brother and how when you're not bugging the snot out of him, you're protecting him and watching out for him... amazed at how just last Sunday as Joshua sat sleeping in my arms at church you kept reaching over to pat his hand or rub his arm... amazed at how perfectly your chubby little fingers fit through mine as we pray together... amazed and grateful at how you still let me get in lots of snoogles and snuggles :)... amazed at how you're still excited at the end of everyday to meet me at the front door with a HUGE bear hug... amazed at how well you've weathered the changes in your little life my international baby... and amazed at how much I love you! I cannot imagine my life without you, and cannot imagine my identity without part of it being your mama... you are a joy, a treasure, and a blessing beyond words! I love you Grant Thomas, more than my next breath! Happy 4th Birthday sweet boy!<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxFeYlp-M0xVpLWyB9Qj6edGRcuAVZr6WBF9e6G6RogMsv7m0ysaasTj0JdPy82iPut6foeUy5iRbHbW3nNQ5zMJG7oT1gFBlldOzWCsSUu8vJuLHXZJzPX6M7VhJhDzKqcWobw/s1600/IMG_3487.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxFeYlp-M0xVpLWyB9Qj6edGRcuAVZr6WBF9e6G6RogMsv7m0ysaasTj0JdPy82iPut6foeUy5iRbHbW3nNQ5zMJG7oT1gFBlldOzWCsSUu8vJuLHXZJzPX6M7VhJhDzKqcWobw/s320/IMG_3487.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5711843348897654002" border="0" /></a>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-70664034460582325432011-11-21T02:18:00.002-04:002011-11-21T02:39:36.538-04:00Seeing things...I know that people always say the body and the mind are really great at self protecting, allowing themselves only to see and process what they can handle... I believed that theory, based on what others had told me, but now I can say I believe that theory, based on my own experience.<br /><br />We've been back a little over a year now... and I'm officially <span style="font-style: italic;">seeing things</span>. No, not in a creepy Sixth Sense way, but in a sweet memories flooding back in way... This past week I've walked up to the ticket counter of the Cine Center and bought an entrada... I've ridden the escalator upstairs (or walked the stairs if the escalator was, as it more than not, out of order :) and ordered popcorn, mitad salada, mitad dulce. <br /><br />I've bought a 6 pack of 2 liter water bottles to keep in the pantry as a back-up for emergencies from my favorite corner store. They've asked me why I don't have the boys with me, and how they're doing. I tell them crazy as ever and together we laugh :) <br /><br />I've walked across the street and bought eggs from Patricia and stayed for half an hour as we talked about the boys, their schools, and our families far away, her's in Chile, mine in the states. <br /><br />I've walked El Prado to the Conexion Cristiana and hugged Gabi's neck (our amazing team secretary) and distracted her for far too long as we talked about prayers needed, prayers answered and everything in between. <br /><br />I've walked the market, smelling the fresh fruits and vegetables... buying kilos of this and that, carrying them home by the bag fulls to wash, clean, cook and enjoy. <br /><br />I've walked around the corner for a scoop of pistachio ice cream from my favorite heladeria. <br /><br />I've sat at the counter of a dear friend, over a cup of coffee made with love. We talked of the struggles of living life as missionaries, far from "home". We talk of new things we've found around town, new things going on with our children, new things going on in ministry, and we share a moment between friends who know the blessing of friendship that God places in our lives' for a beautiful season, to teach us and show us His loving kindness!<br /><br />I've sat in the fellowship of those that I love, looking around me at the faces, those I've known for years now, and knowing there are new ones I pray one day I'll meet. I heard the gospel in a language that once was difficult to follow, but that now my heart misses feeling on my tongue. We sang the songs that at first were so hard and frustrating to me in a different language, but that now I use as lullabies for my babies, letting their lyrics and music transport me to their bedroom in our home on Calle Venezuela. It's been a bittersweet week...<br /><br />And I know that had this week come a year ago, six months ago, or even six weeks ago I wouldn't have been ready. My heart, my mind, and my God knew that I just wasn't there, not ready to go back, even in my imaginary world. But apparently it's time to continue on this journey of letting go of one "home" to re-enter the old one...<br /><br />I miss the feel of Cochabamba streets under my feet, the sound of the city, the kisses on the cheek and the way the hours passed with friends with no one rushing around. This week reminded me that it's ok to miss those things... only means that they really happened, really captured my heart, and really still live there for me to draw on when my heart is lonely for Bolivia. Cochabamba, Until I can walk your streets in person, I'll keep walking them in my heart...laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-89315220743800060272011-11-10T20:01:00.002-04:002011-11-10T20:16:18.971-04:00Letting Go...Tomorrow I will put my first born on a bus. <br /><br />It will be early morning... we will have rushed around trying to make it from Brownwood to Brady... I will be sipping coffee trying to clear the morning fog from my brain... he will be ecstatic with the promise of a field trip with his friends to a pumpkin patch (he's been counting down the days)... I hope that on the outside I will be cool as a cucumber because I know that on the inside I will be freaking out... <br /><br />In my head I know that the bus driver is licensed, safe and will take good care of my Nathan... that his teacher will be there every step of the way to make sure he is well cared for. I know it all in my head, but my heart keeps having flashbacks... the memories of two years ago, the international phone call, the news of a tragic bus crash, the loss of three precious and beautiful lives', the mourning, the tears, the lives' cut short, and all the knowledge in my head can't keep my heart from free falling into panic...<br /><br />Buses crash, people die, and hearts are broken... I'm praying with every fiber of my being that the God who saw us through those dark dark days, will watch over my son, the firstborn of my body and my heart, and that he will step off that bus tomorrow afternoon filled with excitement over new experiences, the promise of watching God's creation and the amazing way that He grows things in this world. But most of all that he will step off that bus... safe... and... sound...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Lord, I know that he's your's first, that he's only mine for a short time... watch over him, place your hand of protection on him, bring him home safely, and please Lord, give me your peace and comfort as I wait...</span>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-4037857079938655432011-07-11T22:40:00.003-04:002011-07-12T00:46:33.132-04:00What color are you?I remember sitting in the conference in Brazil. It seems like so so so long ago, and yet not even a year has passed. I was missing my boys and Gary who were miles away, but having wonderful fellowship with other missionary women, and trying to get a handle on all the changes that were coming our way with our move back to the states.<br /><br />I remember hearing someone describe perfectly what I felt as a missionary wife. So many people have asked how we are, how we feel, how we're "settling in"... this is the best way I know to answer that question... Close your eyes and imagine yourself colored blue. I think some people see a little cartoon person, a paper doll cut out type, but for some reason I see a dot person. Kind of a cross between the M&M man and the dot people from the Ranger's games dot races :) don't ask, who knows why my imagination goes the direction it goes, but I digress...<br /><br />So you're blue, and you board a plane bound for yellow land. You get to yellow land, you feel like you stick out kind of like a sore thumb oh wait, you do... you're blue. But even though you stick out, you grow to love yellow land. Parts of yellow land even rub off on you and you begin to look... yep, you've got it, green. So in yellow land, you don't stick out quite as badly as you used to. Green does at least carry an element of yellow in it.<br /><br />But then the time comes for you to go back to blue land. It's been awhile, and it's time, it is after all where you're from. But as you're getting off the plane in blue land, you realize there's enough yellow that's rubbed off on you that even in your "home" land you don't look blue anymore. You're still that bright shade of green. <br /><br />And Green is good. Green carries an element of BOTH blue and yellow within it, but it's still green... it's NOT blue, and it's NOT yellow. And in that moment, you realize you don't fit, anywhere anymore. You might go through resentment, moments of regret that you let the yellow rub off on you, moments where you wonder what life would have been like if you never left blue land... and then in the very next thought, moment, or breath you realize how grateful you are for every shade of yellow that you now proudly carry. You're grateful for the ways it has changed your perspective, your life, your family, your children, your marriage, and changed you for the better, forever... but no matter how you look at it, no matter how hard it was to leave blue land in the first place, or how hard it was to adapt to yellow land, how hard it was to leave yellow land after the roots you put down there, or how hard it was to come "home", or how grateful you are for all that your experience in yellow land has added to your life and heart, the truth remains the same... you're GREEN and you don't seem to fit anywhere...laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-57899741170662207162011-03-22T20:15:00.003-04:002011-03-22T20:49:51.100-04:00Where to begin...It's been one of those days... one of those, <span style="font-style: italic;">Seriously, can anything else go crazy today?</span> kind of days... one of those <span style="font-style: italic;">I forgot Joshua's diaper bag at home and had to make a full round trip back to the house to get it </span>days... one of those <span style="font-style: italic;">I ran around Wal-Mart like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get groceries for family we have coming into town</span> kind of days... one of those <span style="font-style: italic;">I raised my voice WAY TOO MANY TIMES</span> kind of days... one of those <span style="font-style: italic;">Joshua pooped in the bathtub</span> kind of days... one of those <span style="font-style: italic;">I miss a life that has forward motion</span> kind of days... yep, it's been one of <span style="font-style: italic;">those</span> days... and at the end days like this all I want is a safe place to go... which makes me miss this woman right here... oh alright... I miss them both :)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5W1X5AG7mraai0bho9nI0tHbCtluxRUJCbFphBgr8YukSTMw6kvbp4MGVcAnLMa1_chPc2NRim-aXDQI4BM514g5ffG0zBAwvs1-zNE01Hyatwqdj6NiGvLK6IuP066hATpXJZA/s1600/Grannie.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5W1X5AG7mraai0bho9nI0tHbCtluxRUJCbFphBgr8YukSTMw6kvbp4MGVcAnLMa1_chPc2NRim-aXDQI4BM514g5ffG0zBAwvs1-zNE01Hyatwqdj6NiGvLK6IuP066hATpXJZA/s320/Grannie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5587063719938182626" border="0" /></a>Let me introduce you to my sweet mom, and her mom, my Grannie...<br /><br />My mom... well, there just aren't enough words to tell you about this wonderful woman and the sacrificial love she carries in her heart for her family and those she loves. She's living this love out daily in caring for my Grannie who has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and all the myriad of physical ailments that come along with it. The example she is daily in the time, energy and love she pours out on her mother is amazing. And on days like today I miss my mommy (there I said it) and there's no particular reason... I just do. <br /><br />But it's the integrity she has that makes me miss her (selfishly, there... I said it) because of the time that it takes to care for my Grannie. So today rather than focus on the time I miss out on with my mom... I took the time to remember how much I love my Grannie, and how I miss her too...<br /><br />Parkinson's is a heart breaking disease. There is no other way to say it. It has robbed me of the woman I used to know and stolen so many of the things I love about her. When stressful days like today happened in college, I had somewhere to run to... my Grannie and Papa's house. I always knew that I could pick up the phone and come running (ok, driving 45 minutes up highway 67 if you want to be literal :) to the house that I knew from my birth. The house that had the garden out back full of fresh tomatoes and green beans, that showed me how disciplined and hard working my grandparents were. The kitchen that gave me so many hours with my Grannie, so many wonderful memories. The way she peeled potatoes, the way she always washed her wooden handled knives by hand to keep them looking beautiful :) the pinch of brown sugar that she added to her green beans, the first time she passed me a grapefruit spoon (I thought she was the coolest :) and the freezer full of peaches and pie crusts just waiting for her granddaughter to request a peach cobbler. We stood upon that floor for hours, bumping hips as we stood side by side cooking, laughing, and making memories. The living room that we sat in to watch grandparent shows like Wheel of Fortune, Iron Chef, and basically any other cooking show my Papa could find to watch :) The bedroom that was always made up and ready for me if I needed to spend the night. <br /><br />When they sold that house it was so hard for me because every memory I have of them was wrapped up in those walls. And today, as my Grannie is in ICU (recovering well from pulmonary complications from PD) it hit me so hard how much I miss that sweet woman... her laugh... her ways. <br /><br />When we lived in Bolivia it was hard because we were so far away, so removed... and now it's so hard because we're so close, and it's so real. I will miss her even more when God calls her home, but the missing has already started as the woman that I loved, and still love, is not the same at all...<br /><br />So Grannie, know that I love you, know that I am so grateful for all that you taught me about the love of cooking and preparing meals for your family and those you love, for the art of a fun craft, for the way that you were faithful to Papa for all the years we were blessed to have him with us, and for the hugs that I usually forced on you :) but that you got used to over time, and eventually came to love (at least I've convinced myself you did :) God bless you sweet woman... and thank you for your biggest blessing in my life, your daughter, my mom :)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-9445673228816045992011-03-05T16:17:00.002-04:002011-03-05T17:06:42.583-04:00Triggers...Well, we did it... we placed membership at a precious church just around the corner from our house. After much angst from this completely indecisive woman, the decision has been made and we're grateful for a place to call home, a place to start putting down some roots. Last Sunday as I made my way across the foyer trying to herd three little boys into worship I saw a sign-up table... the words "Ladies Day" were written beautifully across the top of a clipboard on a beautifully decorated table. My heart skipped a beat in anticipation and excitement, a chance to meet new friends, form new relationships and have some wonderfully needed fellowship. There was not a moment of nervousness (largely in part to the fact that our new church family puts me at ease), not a moment of anxiety or doubt over whether I should go... it was done, my name signed on the dotted line and my children counted in the number for childcare. "Ladies Day" was promptly written on the family calendar after our arrival from church and the week was passed looking forward to this morning...<br /><br />And this morning arrived with boys sleeping late, breakfast eaten, diaper bags packed and everyone making it to the car somehow unscathed (ok, almost unscathed... there was a "raised voice" episode with Nathan for not having his shoes on when it was time to go... not my finest moment of the day!). We drove the 3 minutes, and I do mean three minutes (how awesome is that?) to the church building and unloaded ready for fun and fellowship. I dropped the boys at the nursery where they didn't shed a tear and I headed in. The first stop, the nametag table. But as I signed in, all I could think of was our Ladies tea nametag table in Cochabamba... the nametags that were made with such love and preparation for the special day... I picked out my nametag, tried to keep from crying over sweet memories and scrawled my name across the blank space. I entered the fellowship hall ready, or so I thought...<br /><br />As I walked in a woman came along side me and asked, <span style="font-style: italic;">Are you looking for someone</span>? Because apparently the "I don't know many people here and am just looking for an empty seat to warm" look is all to recognizable :) I said, <span style="font-style: italic;">No, I'm just new here so I'm looking for an empty seat</span>. To which this sweet soul said, <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh where are you from</span>? And with those simple words, making up a simple quesion, the trigger was pulled...<br /><br />Re-entry triggers are the worst! You never know when they will strike. You may have the luxury of being alone in the privacy of your own home, or you maybe in the middle of super Wal-Mart surrounded by so many shampoo options that you're brought to tears. Maybe it strikes over a cup of coffee with a dear friend, or maybe when a sweet unsuspecting woman asks you where you're from... and so it was today! Bless her heart, she had no intention of bringing on the waterworks, no idea that with one question she could turn my emotional world upside down. <br /><br />So I politely excused myself... made a tearful beeline to the back of the church and sought refuge in the safety of what every woman has used at one point or another... <span style="font-style: italic;">the bathroom stall</span> :) But I knew I couldn't hide standing next to a toilet for the whole morning and so I ventured out into the hallway... but the tears would not stop. I found myself sitting in a preschool sized chair, five sizes too small for my mommy booty, bawling my eyes out, wishing I had a bag like Hermione to tuck entire boxes of Kleenex down inside. <br /><br />It came out of nowhere, that trigger... it caught me off guard. I had been so excited to meet new people, have a morning with the ladies of our new church family... but now that I was there, all I wanted was to be with my church family in Cochabamba. In anticipation of our new life here I had looked forward to attending church activities as a spectator (not as the coordinator which had been my role with our teammates for so long now), and now, the anonymity of it all was more than I could handle. I wanted to look forward, pull myself up by my bootstraps and dive into our new life, but all I could do was look back and mourn the one lost.<br /><br />Triggers are good because they push me to unleash some of the emotions from the experience of re-entry. They push my buttons just enough, forcing me to process things I would otherwise avoid. But dadgum... if they could just save their moments so that the emotional meltdowns happen in the privacy of my own home, I'd be much abliged! <br /><br />(Epilogue... just in case you worried that I spent the entire morning crying... I had my <span style="font-style: italic;">meltdown</span>, my <span style="font-style: italic;">I'm going to cry off all my mascara</span> moment with some precious women who, even though they've never lived this journey I'm walking, came alongside me and held me, loved on me, and gave me a safe space to just have a good cry. And then after the tears had stopped, we had a marvelous time together, worshipping, being silly girls, and enjoying each other's company. Thank goodness for the family of God!)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-65801157479560429922011-02-24T18:43:00.000-04:002011-02-24T18:44:29.005-04:00Nathan's talks with God...<p>I, as a mama, feel so many days that the hours pass and I haven't done anything to intentionally mold and guide these precious three little boys towards heaven...towards God's truth and will for them.</p><p> But days like today feel like God comes alongside me and says, <em>See, they are getting something... they are absorbing the faith they see lived out in their home</em>. And my heart sighed.</p><p>It was a normal morning like any other in the Bull household. The boys had actually slept until almost 8 (which was a blessing in and of itself)... breakfast had been eaten without any battles and Grant and Nathan had decided it was time to draw after watching some of their favorite cartoons. Nathan is really turning into such a great little artist and I love seeing what he has to draw from his sweet mind these days. Today it was a portrait of our house. He pointed out to me our house, our family, the sky, the clouds and everything else his little eyes see... I ooed and ahhhd at all the right moments just like a good mama should. </p><p>Then he turned to me and said something that absolutely melted my heart. <em>Mama, I'm going to go and show God</em>. I wasn't really sure what showing God was going to look like. Gary and I exchanged looks from across the room as if to say... this should be good :) </p><p>And then he proceeded to run out into the backyard (half clothed... don't even ask :) and held his masterpiece up to the sky. His sweet little 5 year old fingers pointed to every detail as he looked up to heaven and told God all about his picture (screaming, just to make sure that God could hear him all the way up there... apparently we're going to have to work on the idea that God is with us everywhere, at a level that can be heard even at a whisper :)</p><p>In that moment as we watched our son share with his heavenly Father I thought to myself... thank goodness God is doing a work in these boys that surpasses my failings and shortcomings... that even in my busy days where I miss those moments to share my faith with them... God is moving in their little hearts, and allowing them to see something in their environment that is pointing them back to Him... I will be eternally grateful!</p>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-59758228813587772042010-12-27T21:06:00.004-04:002010-12-28T01:18:05.781-04:00Let the re-entry begin...I've realized more and more with every passing day that I have no idea what's going on inside of me... and since this place here, my little corner of the online world, usually involves me putting words to my thoughts, penning feelings and processing... I've been avoiding it... because this place that usually brings me such comfort is actually a scary place for me right now... so it's been put aside while I avoid all the confusion in my head and my heart...<br /><br />The reality is that our family is so blessed!<br /><br />The last month was supposed to be a month of settling in...<br /> a month for us to get our feet underneath us,<br /> for Gary to get ready and prepared for grad school,<br /> for us visit our families,<br /> for us to visit our supporters and churches,<br /> and enjoy being back in the good 'ol US of A.<br /><br />But instead it has been a time of survival. I can't lie and say that I'm not disappointed and frustrated that things didn't play out the way that we planned... but those thoughts form in my mind I know and am reminded how blessed we are.<br /><br />Blessed that the need for surgery waited until we were stateside,<br /> that it was just shy of my insurance policy expiring,<br /> that it was able to be done by a neurosurgeon I know and trust.<br /><br />I realize how incredibly blessed I am to have a family who can care for Joshua for a month, a husband who has taken care of my other two monkeys by himself at our new house and while I was able to recover knowing that my munchkins were all cared for. I'm struggling between mourning what was lost, mourning what didn't turn out like I would have liked, and realizing (through much much much self reminder) that things turned exactly like they should have, and in the best way possible... We have been blessed with furniture, funds to start over and so much more by friends and family and from people we've never even met... talk about blessed! We've been covered in prayer through the entire process and know that it's been by the grace of God that we've survived...<br /><br />And we have survived, but surgery delayed the processing... the processing of re-entry, the feelings, the thoughts, the yuckies. There's so much that you have to put aside for the sake of survival... but now that the fog of surviving surgery has lifted a little, the wheels are starting to turn again...<br /><br />We're not in Cochabamba anymore, and there's no flight booked to carry us back there to our apartment, to the boys' school, to our friends, to our teammates, to our church, and to our life.<br /><br />Our life is here now.<br /><br />I'm in a tug of war (TOW) with my heart to be at peace with that.<br /><br />This new life is in a place...<br /><br />where Wal-Mart runs are part of a weekly routine. (TOW... I'm so grateful that I have daily access to Children's Tylenol, Chili powder, new socks and milk in gallon jugs... but I miss knowing the people who check me out, looking people in the eye as we walk past each other and greeting whether we know each other or not).<br /><br />where Sonic will still be just down the street (TOW... seriously? Sonic... right down the street? I'm happy as a clam for happy hour everyday... but the brain freeze I'm getting after coming from a no ice culture is causing me to lose brain cells with every swig of Cherry Limeade I take :)<br /><br />where my parents will still be just a local cell phone call away (TOW... there's really not a tug of war here... I've been waiting for five years to have my parents just down the road from me, Gary and their grandkids... the only struggle is learning how to live alongside each other again :) thank goodness they're being very gracious with me as I figure it out!)<br /><br />where there are a billion churches within a 5 mile radius of our house (TOW... Gary and I have never church shopped... we went from attending an inner city ministry church, to ministering there, to attending our supporting congregation, to attending the church we were working to plant... it's really hard to walk in the doors of a church as non-staff members... it's nice to leave the responsibility and pressure behind... but the automatic being "known" is going to be a hard thing to walk away from)<br /><br />where it's seriously cold (TOW... I've complained for five years now that it's just not Christmasy feeling in Cochabamba because it's not cold enough... but now it's so cold and I'd kill to turn my kids lose outside to play in their flip flops!)<br /><br />where we live in a "Christian" country (TOW... I'm so grateful to be back in a nation that was founded on faith and liberty, that for the most part is not corrupt (and if you have anything to say here, let's talk Bolivian history level corruption ok?!)... but why are we not living our faith outloud everyday? People in Bolivia knew why we were there. They knew what we stood for. They knew what our mission was. And I'm praying that we don't lose that overt way of living our faith being back here in the states).<br /><br />That's all I've got for now :) it's a confusing, muddled place to be this mind of mine... thanks for reading (for the 2 of you who made it this far... and yes, I included my husband in that count :) This re-entry thing is an experience all its own. There is absolutely nothing like it in this world. I wouldn't trade it because that means that I would lose the life I've had, the experiences that have changed me, shaped me, and forever made me who I am today... I'm just praying I can figure out a way to live in peace with myself no matter what country my feet find themselves in... that's the goal...laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-74457438769021112232010-11-24T13:01:00.002-04:002010-11-24T13:16:04.509-04:00Contributions and self worth...Where exactly does my self-worth come from? My Sunday school answer would be "God"... "Jesus"... "being saved"... but the current situation that I find myself in (laid up in bed with back pain that is keeping me from walking, sitting, and basically doing anything other lying still) has shed some new light on my self-worth... <div><br /></div><div>If I'm truly honest with myself, my self-worth comes from my ability to contribute, my ability to produce, my ability to take care of others and myself. Not the prettiest answer, nor the answer I wish that it was, but never the less... it's the honest answer. </div><div><br /></div><div>And the past week in bed has taught me just how honest. It kills me to constantly ask for help... in taking care of my kids, in helping me move from one place to the other, in getting something to eat or drink, in running to the store to pick up things for Joshua, in doing laundry, in basically anything and everything that you can think of... and it has rocked me to the core to realize that so much of how I see myself and how I place value on who I am comes from just that, <i>my ability to contribute or to produce</i>. I'm trying (and I strongly emphasize the word <i>trying</i>) to use this time of rest and quiet to hear the voice of my Father, encouraging me to be reminded that my value does not lie in what I can <i>do</i>, but rather in who I <i>am</i>... it's a tough pill to swallow, a hard truth to understand, but I'm trying, and that's a start... </div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-82517773456809158102010-09-12T21:32:00.004-04:002010-09-12T21:54:15.595-04:00Where does the time go...It seems like just yesterday I was boarding a plane with a little squirt of a baby strapped to me... he was just four months old... we had no idea who he would become, how he would be in constant motion, how he would truly love people, how he would thrive on affirmation of those he loves, how he would love music, singing, and dancing, how he would be a great big brother to two little Bulls to come... he changed our world on September 13, 2005 and continues to change us day in and day out as we learn how to love him, parent him and guide him in this journey he's on to becoming a man of God...<br /><br />Nathan, this past year has been filled with more of your voice than I ever thought I would hear :) you have developed a need to always be around your Daddy or I, to be sharing something with us, showing us your newest novelty in life, and simply being in constant conversation with us. While at moments I long for a little peace and quiet :) I know that the day will come when I will long for you to share with me, talk with me, and open up in the way that you are doing now... so I'm cherishing these moments... the moments like tonight where you climbed up on the chair in the kitchen to help me cook, wanting to be by my side, wanting to know that you have a place with me always... tonight you put your arms around my neck and whispered in my ear... <span style="font-style: italic;">I'll miss you Mommy</span>... I'm not sure if it came out of you hearing us say that to others during this time of transition, if you think you're going to stay here while we move back home :) or what... but it made me think deeply about the days when you are grown and out on your own, oh how <span style="font-style: italic;">I </span>will miss <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> my sweet firstborn!... you are so like me in so many ways and I'm so thankful for all that you teach me about love, about my faith, and about who I am... you are a treasure to your daddy and I and we will love you always! I love you more than my next breath my sweet grown up five year old :)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMJJEJVsr7EI4M3Gyqkxy4AJEYcXLTxCdCzpii_R8U-aNeIfw6F1dmtq_yTmNFMsFSSOrwa6YySzi3A0NRLoq8gq-b2oZg8L7KayXipCk40NiRHqoRl1eNKQKyCRsRvKxk6QaUWg/s1600/Nathan's+birthday4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMJJEJVsr7EI4M3Gyqkxy4AJEYcXLTxCdCzpii_R8U-aNeIfw6F1dmtq_yTmNFMsFSSOrwa6YySzi3A0NRLoq8gq-b2oZg8L7KayXipCk40NiRHqoRl1eNKQKyCRsRvKxk6QaUWg/s320/Nathan's+birthday4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516207983615453986" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Qj8bpCTHTo0MjJLmecmuCDe8dDsj7c6u5PYUmSe3U_95OZo3r0vYIM8YQjJD7vGlxuBSIU9F_bK07dI0BC_p7rr8HfFiwd9obI_HsSEVXJxJHtWbY1iGyFH9S7nW86WiXDkfjA/s1600/Nathan's+birthday3.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Qj8bpCTHTo0MjJLmecmuCDe8dDsj7c6u5PYUmSe3U_95OZo3r0vYIM8YQjJD7vGlxuBSIU9F_bK07dI0BC_p7rr8HfFiwd9obI_HsSEVXJxJHtWbY1iGyFH9S7nW86WiXDkfjA/s320/Nathan's+birthday3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516207976546015058" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPR_wY00rINGxHEMEJVMwquiQOOC9EN87vizGJifPBCwvfKyZviiATC-NiDFqzjmI-j3NrG6NdIgJ5WT99toArbU5laadiN26OisRigtI_-iEAXkvpBlTv7HFiy4YscVTMEQixnQ/s1600/Nathan's+birthday2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPR_wY00rINGxHEMEJVMwquiQOOC9EN87vizGJifPBCwvfKyZviiATC-NiDFqzjmI-j3NrG6NdIgJ5WT99toArbU5laadiN26OisRigtI_-iEAXkvpBlTv7HFiy4YscVTMEQixnQ/s320/Nathan's+birthday2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516207972211550146" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqCqkQmZnnZxb6LUZL737zHtje2BYJu8Q3iaWLvqMAfsY9QGhQTqH3d_sgEvcxVunvS4d_-3CxEQ3UL31hdii9er37ZeaaDqCORsN2js59skrz3H2JUC5AkKqvM2-dN08gcwevw/s1600/Nathan's+birthday1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqCqkQmZnnZxb6LUZL737zHtje2BYJu8Q3iaWLvqMAfsY9QGhQTqH3d_sgEvcxVunvS4d_-3CxEQ3UL31hdii9er37ZeaaDqCORsN2js59skrz3H2JUC5AkKqvM2-dN08gcwevw/s320/Nathan's+birthday1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516207969095904786" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6VF-ZFzHwj9gwzhpYXlxQq-02L2lpRtGLgqYZn7D0DEDQBMIdCxMAqN9rgQPulLq23u23wnys_SyNbU4BomMqJk5KF2u40PvMOkZirJjoe-WDwp2qhZlIKcXrOiw5UF3oxpAb6g/s1600/Nathan's+birthday5.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6VF-ZFzHwj9gwzhpYXlxQq-02L2lpRtGLgqYZn7D0DEDQBMIdCxMAqN9rgQPulLq23u23wnys_SyNbU4BomMqJk5KF2u40PvMOkZirJjoe-WDwp2qhZlIKcXrOiw5UF3oxpAb6g/s320/Nathan's+birthday5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516207989892732194" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAGG1KaZ5E3DT-hYvqwfq1g7bwI_W3cyvyPmgh0LAmFuJmvJmK4kb1aJwe8tJceOPvi25YFvrcLsJ7rvCvCuN0pCnCwAi7ySnkX_kwuA5fY3mNG8rel6nW54lQWoAH5L336wI5kg/s1600/Nathan's+birthday9.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAGG1KaZ5E3DT-hYvqwfq1g7bwI_W3cyvyPmgh0LAmFuJmvJmK4kb1aJwe8tJceOPvi25YFvrcLsJ7rvCvCuN0pCnCwAi7ySnkX_kwuA5fY3mNG8rel6nW54lQWoAH5L336wI5kg/s320/Nathan's+birthday9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516209654173830002" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEiE_yMxFlMa8OuGaR2PdjK0wjRZNcDh9dfNGXLlxm6FTlrZWZT1yFIsewGBA_7ZsZ1S0M2SEddVYRwkVCfSk973cIFVrSb-ZRUBQ5d4D-5-1qTTnq934nX7M5wA_lGAlSluZ1OQ/s1600/Nathan's+birthday10.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEiE_yMxFlMa8OuGaR2PdjK0wjRZNcDh9dfNGXLlxm6FTlrZWZT1yFIsewGBA_7ZsZ1S0M2SEddVYRwkVCfSk973cIFVrSb-ZRUBQ5d4D-5-1qTTnq934nX7M5wA_lGAlSluZ1OQ/s320/Nathan's+birthday10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516209657917397074" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjngClKJ7nNOq6Yzmfv_gZUgk0wJs3ONCgdbrbT_H_cJN6u8WKt1auZ5BM7H6XjdNmuW6o9nB8Z723dy6mq_rzLrypMkV7oBKCFHuxmLhn6evm92jy4jc9CfiuSN4x7JNuc3W18Tw/s1600/Nathan's+birthday12.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjngClKJ7nNOq6Yzmfv_gZUgk0wJs3ONCgdbrbT_H_cJN6u8WKt1auZ5BM7H6XjdNmuW6o9nB8Z723dy6mq_rzLrypMkV7oBKCFHuxmLhn6evm92jy4jc9CfiuSN4x7JNuc3W18Tw/s320/Nathan's+birthday12.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516210285379822914" border="0" /></a>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-38665482631226661462010-09-11T16:17:00.005-04:002010-09-12T21:32:51.092-04:00Church Retreat 2010Every year we take time out as a church family to get away... it's a day filled with teaching, worship, fellowship, and FUN :) This year was no exception... a little bittersweet as it was our last, but fun none the less... here are a few pictures of the festivities...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzzaZAH6ROO32nfn_RSpL8Hjyh6QfTcVhTJz-apCJ44cDAJOXX8Q3lUxi4FTDI7kN0-fbarciooO1XAf14joIgjNwsRurxbb4aoD85A8te87AhWA_aG1x0jrwC_xsOe8s6b_cZw/s1600/church+retreat+2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzzaZAH6ROO32nfn_RSpL8Hjyh6QfTcVhTJz-apCJ44cDAJOXX8Q3lUxi4FTDI7kN0-fbarciooO1XAf14joIgjNwsRurxbb4aoD85A8te87AhWA_aG1x0jrwC_xsOe8s6b_cZw/s320/church+retreat+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515754750610246226" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiCYWDzJvREKCweLcrg32CiW-89BNuGhsNl4GR_ERqqGqzyaZLUBAnv_Ynglz4tzsIL46Npqb6HFZz9hI0psRLLaRG3Obs_tm5D1m3Hmx2UQfCXnGeuMWkgZ6wM2_j6AbOYWgpVw/s1600/4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiCYWDzJvREKCweLcrg32CiW-89BNuGhsNl4GR_ERqqGqzyaZLUBAnv_Ynglz4tzsIL46Npqb6HFZz9hI0psRLLaRG3Obs_tm5D1m3Hmx2UQfCXnGeuMWkgZ6wM2_j6AbOYWgpVw/s320/4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515754740788591794" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-dfq1k3Z7KXNgIulEf85SpPSdqOZBFWruefHIvoKm1wBbx6mQynkLrTOd2HEWaJb4eZGINGtu4Zogkh6HK5IaapJciOCaV78Fi0kYGmrr2IeOqtxZs13LcEfRbn9JMp84w4p10Q/s1600/2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 265px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-dfq1k3Z7KXNgIulEf85SpPSdqOZBFWruefHIvoKm1wBbx6mQynkLrTOd2HEWaJb4eZGINGtu4Zogkh6HK5IaapJciOCaV78Fi0kYGmrr2IeOqtxZs13LcEfRbn9JMp84w4p10Q/s320/2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515754713023886434" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmC2GNlNBjh_2tA24_DNc-HFAks17aN1DE3RjgVbn_n4iIuoiDHkHxfDipHk7t8_kQRvjFzglKuIZkqWRnlOruOrGmtngrGXEegsxzpLPdYTaIG-M_BulQLeWZuIxcHKxYiBeQTA/s1600/3.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmC2GNlNBjh_2tA24_DNc-HFAks17aN1DE3RjgVbn_n4iIuoiDHkHxfDipHk7t8_kQRvjFzglKuIZkqWRnlOruOrGmtngrGXEegsxzpLPdYTaIG-M_BulQLeWZuIxcHKxYiBeQTA/s320/3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515754727971382578" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisbYTjXQV8KoJoqSvVRNHPbuLajgujQQDDAVQy2GHwblh9h8ogF6qy58fCON2EM3BJ2U4NmTbwb5vb5-G4D-L16zjAT1I3_WAHhhLap2umi60G8eE9RrXTavL_eafakZKZneC6fQ/s1600/8.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisbYTjXQV8KoJoqSvVRNHPbuLajgujQQDDAVQy2GHwblh9h8ogF6qy58fCON2EM3BJ2U4NmTbwb5vb5-G4D-L16zjAT1I3_WAHhhLap2umi60G8eE9RrXTavL_eafakZKZneC6fQ/s320/8.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515753557433966418" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJ7ulSkQEtDO2UAQhzvxrF5TavBf8WV7inRER582Czw-jt-PBdn4Hawb_h5AwAivIC01OETPbFRw9bvA_rCjmBKRbjGj8VhjXMrvzeL9nouEkjjroSK51fDY7gwg3Kdc60W0_-A/s1600/7.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJ7ulSkQEtDO2UAQhzvxrF5TavBf8WV7inRER582Czw-jt-PBdn4Hawb_h5AwAivIC01OETPbFRw9bvA_rCjmBKRbjGj8VhjXMrvzeL9nouEkjjroSK51fDY7gwg3Kdc60W0_-A/s320/7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515753552668615746" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZFZxDEM7kvsFGg9xYRmI5lgTiirHFuFDRAfihebfL-tkCaTyZEHSTj2jvq9ZKzNtu-9eO5EM1XALzEMbzfexWWwDpjrk4K2R85xWIyAUKAUehkdN7gMxND2a5B63P9LTvzByVbA/s1600/6.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZFZxDEM7kvsFGg9xYRmI5lgTiirHFuFDRAfihebfL-tkCaTyZEHSTj2jvq9ZKzNtu-9eO5EM1XALzEMbzfexWWwDpjrk4K2R85xWIyAUKAUehkdN7gMxND2a5B63P9LTvzByVbA/s320/6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515753538301019970" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRZqQYCjW6ZLk9Vl3EYEz6hVf8MT-eAnBno50CiVKmsGhNifsfK8tT5QD935KzOXCfF1kUI35R3WEJlOBxO05RI42-uhH0f_D5TBkhCYQRO9rBG-dStNmmylqvBEUM78ARU6hx3A/s1600/5.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRZqQYCjW6ZLk9Vl3EYEz6hVf8MT-eAnBno50CiVKmsGhNifsfK8tT5QD935KzOXCfF1kUI35R3WEJlOBxO05RI42-uhH0f_D5TBkhCYQRO9rBG-dStNmmylqvBEUM78ARU6hx3A/s320/5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515753518916158658" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdqv0w1f49wsBdXFxRw2YfmHQBDsmfDLXZGkhVJ0TnpkgACGerLDbPEDFFZRt03Wg3G54pCneTDnpxsWlr05AXNFeHXD1tDFXmxtuhyphenhyphen3uINclx6x_gwuT2N884heLm5ksJNfLisA/s1600/1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdqv0w1f49wsBdXFxRw2YfmHQBDsmfDLXZGkhVJ0TnpkgACGerLDbPEDFFZRt03Wg3G54pCneTDnpxsWlr05AXNFeHXD1tDFXmxtuhyphenhyphen3uINclx6x_gwuT2N884heLm5ksJNfLisA/s320/1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515753509484309778" border="0" /></a>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-58849188423537769822010-07-27T20:16:00.002-04:002010-07-27T20:52:45.502-04:00It's like ripping off a band-aid...I was four going on five... then eleven going on twelve... then sixteen going on seventeen... then eighteen and starting college... then a newlywed of 22... then 25, a young career gal... and then a first time mommy being called to the mission field. They were all years of transition, years of moving from one place to another, years of saying good-bye to homes, friends, church families, favorite places and a life made... and here it is upon me again. <div><br /></div><div>Most of the moves in my life have been because work took our family from one place to another, college and new chapters of life were starting, or God was calling to us different ministries abroad... either way, the moves all seemed <i>(remember this is the hind-sight of a sleep deprived mommy of toddlers remembering moves now many years in the past :)</i> fairly fast... like ripping off a band-aid. You grab a hold of one end... take a deep breath, hold it for a second and RIP... it hurts and it stings, but in the end, it's quick (definitely not painless, but quick).</div><div><br /></div><div>I always thought that was the best way to handle moving from one place to the next... keep ties as loose as possible... making the heartache as minimal as possible. But I'm learning through the process of this move that's looming in the not so distant future, that the heartache remains and resurfaces no matter how far you sweep it under the rug. </div><div><br /></div><div>When Gary and I shared our departure date with the church here in Cochabamba many people thought we were sharing that information way too early. It was January and we would be here until the first week in November... that was almost 10 months of good-byes. This past Sunday as I sat and cried through worship service, grieving all the things that we will be leaving behind, I realized that 10 months is just what we needed. Okay, I'll speak for myself, just what I needed. </div><div><br /></div><div>I needed to know that the events of this year are the "lasts" for our family in Cochabamba... and I needed to process that through that with our church family and my dear friends here. Does it mean that it won't still hurt, still sting when we board that plane in November? Heavens no... but what I'm hoping and praying, is that it means I'll be a little more emotionally ready for that departure. That I will have spent time in thought and prayer coming to terms with the changes that are on the horizon for our family... as opposed to avoiding them (which is my usual M.O.)</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm praying that this year of transition will afford me the opportunities to make sure I've said all that I need to say to those that I've grown to love and care for here, that I won't walk away feeling as if there wasn't true closure... because the truth is that for all its craziness, this place has become our home. It still annoys the peewaddle out of us at times, and the culture is still something that proves to us daily that we are foreigners here, not in our home culture... but for better or worse we became a family here. Two of my sons are Cochabambinos, and a part of my "family" will always be here in this country I've grown to appreciate and cherish for what it has given us and taught us.</div><div><br /></div><div>The good-byes are so hard, they leave my heart aching, but with the time that we've allowed ourselves, I'm processing through it much better than I ever have. I'm leaving one home for another, each place has its beauties and its uglies, and I, Laurita, will be a better woman for having lived in, loved in, and given a part of myself to both places!</div>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-14504739831735638412010-07-17T15:08:00.004-04:002010-07-17T15:29:27.269-04:00Making a game of everything :)One thing you learn about living in a third world country is that internet speed is never what you hope it will be... and many times isn't even what you're paying for, but that's another story :) Because today I want to tell you how much I love that my Grant Thomas in all his <i>two year old wonder and fun is everywhere in the world</i>ness makes a game even out of slow internet... the thorn in his mommy's flesh. <div><br /></div><div>Every time that Grant is watching something online, be it on PBS kids, YouTube or Facebook the dreaded spinning wheel comes up telling him that his fun filled watching experience is about to be interrupted. And not by anything worthwhile like emergency weather reports, or words from world leaders, no... just because the internet is being persnickety. But my sweet son in all his playfulness takes it all in stride (very unlike his mother) and has made it a game... every time the spinning wheel makes its appearance Grant throws his hands in the air, chunky toddler fingers spread wide and yells at the computer... FREEZE. Yep, he's playing the freeze game :) From what I can gather it's much like red light, green light, but to watch it being played between my son and my laptop... seriously one of the funniest things I've seen this side of the equator in a long time :) </div>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-38311899934782767002010-06-30T18:00:00.004-04:002010-06-30T21:07:18.312-04:00Just another day...The sun rose this morning like always... the micros began their routes, breadmakers kneaded the dough that would later become scrumptious edible creations, the pidgeons took their post on the power line outside our door waiting for our neighbor to bring their breakfast, the boys went to school and the world began another Wednesday... but for our family, for our church, and for our team, it was <em>anything</em> but just another Wednesday. Because this day one year ago... our world rocked, it turned upside down, and it would never be the same again. <br /><br />It was hot in Arkansas last year... Joshua had yet to enter this world... and our furlough was winding to a close. We were headed out the door for a good-bye dinner with Gary's family before traveling back to Texas and the phone rang... an accident... the youth group... no details... but possible deaths and many injured... There are no words to describe what the feeling is that inhibits your body as you hear news like that from afar. The helplessness... the fear... the anxiety... and the gutwrenching sorrow is overwhelming. Details trickled in, our kids... our teens... hurt, in surgery, in casts, in intensive care, lost. <br /><br />It's been a year now and we stood today at the graves of Ariana, Diana, and Belen. My heart ached with sorrow, and yet also with pride, as I watched a group of teens who have weathered this storm together stand, arms linked, heads bowed, praying to the God that saved them, while standing over graves of those they loved. I walked the streets today watching people go about their "normal" lives... they don't realize that there are three beautiful young ladies they will never know, never cross paths with, never encounter... it literally makes my insides hurt. I want to stand on the corner and shout... I'm not sure what I'd say, but something, anything to make the world stop, if even just for a second... to remember that there has been loss, there have been lives' changed forever, there have been bodies broken and healed, and there have been hearts forever changed and brought closer together, and closer to their Maker...<br /><br />Camila cried her heart out today at the grave of her dear friend Belen, crying... "Why?" Through her confusion and her tears I prayed... I prayed over her hurt, prayed thanksgiving for the life that she still lives, and prayed that she realize that her God is big enough to handle her hurt... big enough, and strong enough to carry her confusion, her anger, and her broken heart. It's a tall order for a teenage girl of 15, but I know that God is faithful... and I'm clinging to that. And as I rocked Joshua to sleep tonight, holding him a little longer and a little tighter, kissing his little cheeks one extra time, the song that played over and over in my head went...<br /><br /><div align="center"><em>The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases...</em></div><div align="center"><em>His mercies never come to an end...</em></div><div align="center"><em>They are new every morning...</em></div><div align="center"><em>Great is thy Faithfulness...</em></div><div align="center"><em>The Lord is my portion says my soul...</em></div><div align="center"><em>Therefore I will hope in Him!</em></div>laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-4643031612181287902010-06-12T22:37:00.002-04:002010-06-12T22:43:45.935-04:00Thankful...Tonight I'm thankful for...<br /><br />the knowledge that I can survive three weeks with three little boys.<br /><br />Sonia and Jenny that helped me survive those three weeks.<br /><br />dear friends who encouraged me, prayed for me, visited me, called me, and busted me out when needed.<br /><br />children's ibuprofen (now Nathan has a fever)<br /><br />the experience of knowing myself well enough to know that I needed to be intentionally thankful every night before bed, before starting a new day.<br /><br />leftovers.<br /><br />Grant's spaghetti face :)<br /><br />Joshua's sweet little hands reaching up for me when I walk by.<br /><br />the fact that the power was only out for half an hour.<br /><br />that the boys didn't cry for too long in the dark before I got candles lit and flashlights located.<br /><br />church members who offer to go pick my husband up from the airport.<br /><br />no-bakes and coffee... which kept me sane more than once today.<br /><br />Tonight I'm most thankful for my dear sweet husband who is on his way home to us... his family! Oh how we have missed him... but we are so proud of him, his service to our God, his discipline in his studies and his planning for our stateside life, and his devotion to us, his wife and his sons. We love you Gary Bull and are so so so so thankful for you, the man you are, the love that you give to us, and all that you are to our family :)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-17992498706715289642010-06-11T19:59:00.003-04:002010-06-11T20:04:58.352-04:00Thankful... ok, who's keeping track anymore? :)Tonight I'm thankful for...<br /><br />chiropractors.<br /><br />skype!<br /><br />Nathan's belly laughs with his Papa over "See you later alligator"... "After awhile crocodile" :)<br /><br />Joshua's sleepy sounds already being heard over the monitor.<br /><br />the new Dora video that's occupying my two oldest.<br /><br />spaghetti sauce in a jar (yes again!)<br /><br />fresh bread daily!<br /><br />no-bakes!<br /><br />hand-me cords from Denise.<br /><br />bills paid for the month!<br /><br />clean bathrooms (that I didn't have to clean!)<br /><br />the full night's sleep that's going to happen tonight (I'm trying to think positive!)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-76653736590497469952010-06-10T09:54:00.002-04:002010-06-10T10:03:55.603-04:00Thankful... make-up days :)Well these past couple of days have been spent surviving... I've decided that back pain is the arch nemesis of mommies with little ones... so the time at the computer has been sporadic and little. But I've got a second, that seems to be pain free, so I'm going to try and catch up a little :)<br /><br />I'm thankful for...<br /><br />grace when the thankfulness doesn't freely flow.<br /><br />time with Angie over coffee, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time.<br /><br />beautiful roses to brighten my day!<br /><br />Grant's tender heart that comforts us (Nathan, Joshua, and I) when we're upset... sweet boy that one!<br /><br />my spank spoon (again!)<br /><br />corner stores that keep me from having to go to the grocery store for every little thing I forget.<br /><br />little baby teeth :)<br /><br />little boys learning to do head stands<br /><br />the fact that the celebratory fireworks over the soccer game last night (that could have woken up my kiddos) only lasted until midnight... hey, I'm trying really hard to look at my cup half full here :)<br /><br />new books to read.<br /><br />ice packs... which speaking of... I should go sit on one for awhile :)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-48617556985259765632010-06-06T20:16:00.002-04:002010-06-06T20:18:36.416-04:00Thankful... day 14Tonight I'm thankful...<br /><br />for Dr. Firestone and his willing to come in and see me on a Sunday morning!<br /><br />that even though I'm not 100%, I'm feeling better.<br /><br />that my boys are feeling better and want to go to school tomorrow.<br /><br />so thankful for Jenny who was willing to come to work on a Sunday to take care of me and the boys!<br /><br />that Renata was at church!<br /><br />that this time next week, the daddy will be HOME!laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-60630235173690447182010-06-05T19:48:00.002-04:002010-06-05T19:52:28.750-04:00Thankful... day 13Tonight I'm thankful for...<br /><br />wonderful friends who take me to suspenseful movies, even knowing the risk they take of being embarassed by my screams :)<br /><br />househelp that are willing to come in on a Sunday to help out a hurt mama and her sicky boys.<br /><br />teammates who make long shot phone calls to get doctor's cell phone numbers :)<br /><br />the fact that in Bolivia you can call a doctor as a total stranger and he's still willing to come in on a Sunday to see you!<br /><br />Cozzolisi's (the fact that there's a place in town I can order pizza from when we're not up to cooking!)<br /><br />Children's tylenol and ibuprofen.<br /><br />tomorrow which marks 2/3 of the way there!laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-23257633136747699922010-06-04T19:28:00.003-04:002010-06-04T19:33:08.311-04:00Thankful... day 12Tonight I'm thankful for...<br /><br />taxis when we're too lazy to walk to school.<br /><br />a lunch/movie date with Angie tomorrow!<br /><br />fried chicken that's good for the soul no matter what country you're in :)<br /><br />new tab tops on the juice boxes here in Bolivia (before you had to cut the corner and just pour... it's a little thing, but a big thing for this mommy!)<br /><br />naps with Grant.<br /><br />Boston Legal that literally made me laugh out loud today :)<br /><br />Joshua's once a week bath :)<br /><br />a husband that knows our needs as a family through this transition and is doing all he can to meet them!<br /><br />a God who is ever-present, and ever-willing to be in constant conversation with me :)laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-29256119522755611272010-06-03T20:34:00.004-04:002010-06-03T21:20:04.288-04:00Thankful... day 11Tonight I'm thankful...<br /><br />that Gary did GREAT on his GMAT!!!<br /><br />that I decided to turn off the laptop all day long... makes for being present for my boys much easier!<br /><br />that Joshua and Grant both had great naps today.<br /><br />that I have great teammates to call & make sure we survived the day :)<br /><br />for Chizito kisses.<br /><br />that the boys have school tomorrow!<br /><br />for the opportunity to share with others!<br /><br />for infant Tylenol for teething babies!<br /><br />the possibility of a nap tomorrow!<br /><br />that we are on the downhill slope of daddy's three weeks away!laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-75923955728830700882010-06-02T21:18:00.002-04:002010-06-02T21:22:07.639-04:00Thankful... day 10Tonight I'm thankful...<br /><br />that we've almost hit the halfway mark!<br /><br />that I can usually tickle Grant out of any screaming tantrum he's throwing :)<br /><br />for canned tuna.<br /><br />the promise of Brazil.<br /><br />for the quiet mornings while boys are in school.<br /><br />that I finished my study in time to lead Bible study tonight (even though no one showed)<br /><br />for the visit time I got with Katie and Liz when no one showed ;)<br /><br />that I got to chat with Jen.<br /><br />that the day is over!laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-1232615700110538422010-06-01T21:01:00.002-04:002010-06-01T21:06:11.702-04:00Thankful... day 9Tonight I'm thankful...<br /><br />that the boys had another great day at school.<br /><br />that I didn't kill one of my children today despite the fact that Grant and Joshua didn't nap and lost it (totally lost it) at the same time, crying at me for an hour b/c I couldn't hold them on my lap at the same time...<br /><br />for red painted toe nails, trimmed cuticles and tweezed eyebrows.<br /><br />for finishing the week 5 study of our Beth Moore bible study (especially since I'm facilitating the study tomorrow night)<br /><br />for Nathan's little fingers interwined with mine as I went back in after putting Joshua to bed (for the second time) to say I was sorry for being so grumpy today.<br /><br />for forgiveness from my children.<br /><br />this day is over.laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19682092.post-89496294571057452152010-05-31T20:01:00.002-04:002010-05-31T20:08:31.685-04:00Thankful... day 8Tonight I'm thankful for...<br /><br />our permanent visas (after taking some newbies to start their one-year visa process I was reminded just how thankful I am that we're through with the process)<br /><br />spaghetti sauce out of a jar.<br /><br />a great day at their new school for the boys!<br /><br />naked booties running down the hall for bathtime :)<br /><br />Grant deciding that rather than talking today he'd just growl all day long :)<br /><br />the threat of the spank spoon, that apparently was scary enough yesterday that we didn't actually have to use it today!<br /><br />strawberry peach frozens (like a frozen fresh fruit smoothie)<br /><br />the promise of an hour to myself tomorrow for a manicure/pedicure!laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11216011714249182846noreply@blogger.com5